Sing Like No One Is Listening

Twenty-Two

2012-02-07T06:00:00.007-05:00

What do you do when you turn twenty-two?

Do you go to the mall and buy some new shoes?

Do you skip out on class just to go to the zoo?

Maybe I'll just go on like always cleaning and cooking.

Who needs a party? Who's even looking?

Just do the dishes then back to the grind!

No one will notice, no one will mind!

Then wash your face and off to bed.

It would be easy, no ache in my head.

Oh, twenty-two, oh, twenty-two

What do I do with you?

It's a mystery really, a puzzle, a bind!

If I knew what to do I could settle my mind!

So, here I stand, with a tricky old plight

willing it to turn pretty with all of my might.

A movie and dinner! My mind begins to think!

forget the stinky dishes in the sink!

Don't skip out on a birthday, no ma'am!

Be more persistent than Sam I am!

Go to the mall and buy those new shoes!

Or climb up the mountain and shake off the blues!

Go to the ice rink and skate life away.

Whatever you do don't give up this day!

Go fishing, go biking, go fly to the moon!

Go dance in the rain or learn how to use a harpoon!

Get up and go!

Life is too short, you know.

So twenty-two, oh twenty-two

I know just what to do with you!

I'll live out today and everyday here after

with happiness, joy and lots of laughter!

I'll go to a movie, I'll let down my hair!

I'll even throw my to-do list in the air!

Just know that today is a great day for me!

And to think, one year from now I'll be TWENTY-THREE!!

Oh boy.

Confidence

2012-02-05T00:03:00.000-05:00

A song from the sound of music goes something like this, "I have confidence in sunshine! I have confidence in rain! I have confidence that spring will come again! Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me!"

Sometimes I wish I could belt out that song perfectly and believe it.

I've been told before that I am a confident person and that so-and-so is jealous of that confidence. I attribute that to my acting skills and while I am flattered and honored that people would be jealous of me ever, I have to say that I am not always confident in my abilities to do anything. And if I do it, and I confident that I will do it right? Not always.

Sometimes, you can forget the things that you do well because the list of things that you achieve at a sub-par level seems to extend so far in front of you that you collapse under the weight of the pressure. That's how I feel right now. Sub-par. Incapable to doing anything worth merit or honor.

I'm not writing this because I want pity or even need it necessarily I just want everyone who reads this...(ha...all 7 of you...) that confidence is not and has not ever been the easiest thing for me.

I am a girl who likes Theater and Music but I also love Sports. I like hiking and biking but I also love to sit in side and play video games. I love to read but I also love to watch movies. I love to dress up and look nice but I love wearing my sweats. I love to cook and I love to have someone cook for me. I love veggies and I love potato chips. I love to love, I really do and I also am a very mean person if I don't check myself. I am mature and I am immature. I am silly and I am serious. I am patient and then I am so incredibly impatient. I don't fit into any one mold and while being unique is great and all, it is hard to be so unique at times that I don't belong anywhere.

Things can be said that hurt and that stay with a person. Kids in the sixth grade called me "cow". Though I've learned to push that away, sometimes the hurt creeps back, unwelcome as it is.

I love my family very much. And as every family does, mine has imperfections. Six girls with such stark personalities, there were words that were said at times that still are recalled, years later. I was by no means only a victim. I played my part in the "villain" role plenty of times and for some reason, that makes me feel worse. I know that dwelling on the past will change nothing and acting for a better future is the only true form of reform but sometimes I wish I could reach into the past and cover my ears, protecting my oh-so-sensitive self from hearing unkind, stupid, biting comments that were made out of spite, fear, anger or jealousy. We were all different people then but when those things come from people you love, despite everything, those words seem to come back the loudest and most painful. I know that we all regret the scars we gave each other, at least I do, but we have to move forward and heal the wounds that I think all of us are too stubborn to admit we have-for the most part.

Because of that, I wish so much that I could be the ultimate sister: the perfect babysitter, the perfect role model, the perfect person to give advice, the perfect debater, the perfect communicator. I wish so much that I could be the ultimate daughter: patient, loving, kind, better about communicating, not selfish, free of tendencies to project an attitude of acting entitled.

I love my family and I have such a wonderful life so writing all of this down and complaining makes me feel ungrateful. I am so blessed! I feel guilty that I have bad days. I shouldn't doubt that The Lord has my life in His hands. I should feel confident in sunshine, rain and myself. Always. But the truth is that I do have bad days. I do get discouraged and feel unworthy of love. I suppose that this is all part of our experience here on earth. If we never experience sorrow or grief, loneliness or unloved the beauty of feeling happiness and joy, comfort and love would be taken away and we would not appreciate or understand the extent of it all.

So, do I have confidence in sunshine? Yes. Rain? Yes. Do I have confidence in me? Eh, maybe not today but tomorrow is a new day and full or opportunities to be better at being confident.

Sherlock

2012-01-17T23:19:00.001-05:00

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable must be the truth."

-Sherlock Holmes

Sorry Mr. Downey Jr. You just don't cut it for me.

There is a more refined Sherlock in my life.

He goes by the name of Benedict Cumberbatch.

The best Sherlock I've seen. EVER.

Not only does Mr. Cumberbatch make a much more superior Sherlock, but that Martin Freeman sure is a keeper. Sorry, Mr. Law but it looks like you just can't hold your own.

Martin Freeman. I'd like to meet this man. He seems like he'd be a nice one. :) He's also THE Hobbit in the Prequel to the LOTR series, "The Hobbit"!!!!

Sherlock. Everyone needs to watch this show!

I just watched the last episode of season 2. Holy GOODNESS! It was splendid. I cried like a little baby! Steven Moffat (also wrote Doctor Who) is simply a genius. GENIUS I SAY!

Mr. Benedict Cumberbatch and Mr. David Tennant. Sherlock, meet Dr. Who.

Go. Watch. Love.

Pistachio Poultry on Pretty Purple Plates

2012-01-04T17:54:00.000-05:00

Why, yes, I did just use a rather awesome alliteration to define the "Winter Semester 2012 Kick-Off" Dinner date that I had with Neil. Anyway...

So this year for Christmas I was given a set of dishes. 2 purple, square plates, 2 sets of silverware, 2 wine glasses and 2 glass bowls. I. Am. In. LOVE!

(Thank you Kristen and Lauri!!)

Because of this, I decided that I should put them to good use. And, let's be honest here, the only good use for just a beautiful set of dishes is an equally beautiful dinner! YAY FOOD! All of last semester I was itching to try this Pistachio Chicken recipe that I found while Pinterest-ing. I absolutely LOVE pistachios but they are just so darn expensive that I knew I had to wait for the perfect opportunity to make the chicken. With the new dishes and the new recipe and a new semester I decided the time was just right.

This was our dinner on Tuesday night:

Look! That's my wreath!!

It was soooo yummy!

So we had asparagus, pistachio chicken, clementines, salad and a Pear Sparkling Juice thing. YUM!

Aren't those dishes just lovely? I LOVE THEM!!!

Me and Neil :)

Then for dessert, Neil made PASSION FRUIT MOUSSE!!! It was SOOO good.

In fact, there is still some in my fridge...hmm...

It tasted sooo much like passion fruit. Every time I took a bite I thought of Portugal.

YUMMO!

After dinner we decided to watch a movie and chillax before the new semester. We were going to watch The Slipper and the Rose but when we popped it in the DVD player we discovered that it is a Non-USA format DVD. It's actually an Australia Region DVD. It was a sad realization but not too sad. I can watch it on my computer and other things...Anyway, we decided that we would watch Tangled! I love Tangled. It's simply adorable!

So yeah, that was our spectacular date on Tuesday night. To tell you the truth though, any date with Neil is spectacular. Just sayin'.

DIY Yarn Wreath

2012-01-02T18:35:00.002-05:00

I made my first ever yarn wreath and I LOVE it!!

I'm obsessed with making them!

It was quite the ordeal but I made it in just a couple of hours (with some help) and it was really fun. My kind of craft. I still haven't put it up in my apartment yet. I'm not sure where to put it but I did name it! Or rather, Neil, knowing my obsession for naming all thing inanimate, picked a name that I just LOVE.

*I made flowers out of felt. I had 3 different colors of purple and then I made a couple of little white flowers. In all honesty I didn't know how to do any of this so I just found blogs with felt flower tutorials and then played around with what I found. They aren't perfect but I love them. LOVE them!

Then I wrapped the foam wreath with the purple yarn. (Clearly it was purple but I love purple so much that I have to say it just in case, at any moment, you might forget!)

After I wrapped the yarn and hot glued it down, I played around with the placement of the flowers. I also added some flowers for some elegance.

TADA!!!

Everyone, I would like to introduce you to Sophie. My yarn wreath.

Someone Asked...

2011-12-18T21:23:00.002-05:00

This was an impromptu interview carried out by a friend while we were waiting for a class.

Q: Why do you like singing?

A: I guess I've tried a lot of different things in my life. Sports, art, languages and stuff like that and though I'm okay at those things I really feel like the only thing I've ever been remotely good at. I have sisters and they all have things that they are just plain amazing at and I envy them. Music, singing specifically, has been the only thing I feel like I've been blessed with to make me stand out.

Q: Who is your hero?

A: Well, that depends. When I was little I didn't think anyone could be more awesome than Julie Andrews. I love her voice! But as I got older I came to realize that very few people in my life are worthy of the "hero" status. First, I'd have to say my parents. They are both tied for first place. If you were to look up the word "patient" in the dictionary you'd see a picture of my Dad. It would be the same if you were to look up "selfless", "hard-working" and, my personal favorite, "bald". My Mom would be pictured next to "talented", "caring" and "dedicated". They are constantly trying to make sure that all of her daughters, all six of us, are happy. We're all so different! We all dabble in everything and have our own personal strengths and weaknesses and my parents have been able to keep my family functional.

Q: Do you have a favorite sister?

A: What? No! I think I get along with each sister a little bit differently but that's because we each have such...different personalities. I think I get along best with Lauren but I think that could be said about her by any one of us. She's just a little more versatile when it comes to adapting to personalities.

Q: If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

A: Easy! Ireland. Preferably Galway, Ireland. I don't know if my sisters feel the same connection to our Irish heritage like I do but there has always been a... biological call, if you will, for me to that place. I think my parents think I'm a little nuts because I feel like that but I can't help it. The music, the cliffs, the simplistic beauty of the country-side and the richness of the culture are enough for me to want to visit for an extended period of time and then again and again. Sadly, I haven't made it there yet. I plan to go someday.

Q: So you have some Irish heritage, does that mean you're a real redhead?

A: I'm a real redhead at heart!!! That's all that matters! In all honesty, I am naturally a strawberry dark-blondish color. So physically, no but my spirit is as feisty and redheaded as can be! :)

Q: What is your favorite color?

A: Purple.

Q: What is your favorite feature about yourself?

A: Um, I think I'd have to say my smile. I've always felt, and maybe I'm wrong, that it's my most genuine feature. I like smiling too. I like it when I can't help but smile.

Q:What do you want to do want to do with a Bachelor's Degree in Theater Education?

A: Is this a trick question? Um, I'd like to teach. High School. I love children and I think that they are extremely intelligent and can learn and understand so much more than we give them credit for. However, I know what theater did for me as an outlet when I was in high school. I'm grateful for the chances that I had to put on a character who was nothing like me because it taught me a lot about myself. There really isn't anyway to explain it, one has to experience it to really understand what it feels like.

Q: If there is one thing from your past that you could undo what would it be?

A: I've been asked this before and I honestly don't think I did anything that I would take back. I would rather go back and do things that I didn't. Like, take more time to work on music theory and take voice lessons from someone who wouldn't compare me to other "fantastic vocalists". I would go back in time and appreciate more the beauty of all the different places that I lived.

Q: Last one: What is your biggest fear?

A: That I will go through life unloved. That I won't find someone who loves me as much as I love them. Also, I fear that my family will somehow disown me and that nothing I do will be acceptable to them. Maybe it's an irrational fear but it's real. The other fear I have is of the dark. That's a long and funny story that I can tell you another time.

So, there you go. Some really random facts about me. It was a fun little interview. It made me feel like I was a celebrity or something.

The Little Tree

2011-12-07T01:16:00.003-05:00

Once Upon A Time...

There was a little tree.

It was a little tree with lacy boughs

that were filled with grace and beauty.

However, little tree was surrounded by big fluffy full grown Pines.
This little tree had dreams of becoming a big tree that would someday

reside in someone's home as their Christmas tree.
All the other trees laughed and laughed at him.
There was no way a little tree like him could ever grow up
to be a beautiful Christmas tree.
But the little tree was not discouraged.
Every time a family would pass him in the woods
he would stretch as tall as he could
and reach out as far as his boughs could go.
But no one ever picked him.
With every passing person, little tree would stretch and reach,
stretch again and reach again.
Sometimes he would even sway in the wind to show everyone that he could dance, just like the big Pines.
But sadly, little tree was left alone.
He watched as one by one, year after year
the Pines would be chosen and carried away to be decorated,
sung around, gazed at, and praised.
He so wished he could be big
because if he was big, he would be loved too!
One night, little tree looked up at the stars in the sky.
He found the brightest one he would see and wished.
"I wish for a family to find me and take me home! And, brightest star,
if you would, could they give me a name too? I would so very much love a name."
Then, closing his eyes he fell asleep.
The next day, little tree was woken up by the sound of sniffing.
A young puppy had found him and close behind were the pup's family.
He closed his eyes really tight and with as much hope as he could muster
asked for this family to take him home.
He opened his eyes.
There she was.
A redheaded girl was playing with the puppy
and little tree knew she would be the one to take him home.
So he stretched and reached and swayed
seeing that she was close by.
If only she would look up she would see him.
And then she did.
She praised his beautiful lacy boughs and stayed close by him until
the others came by.
He was so hopeful!
But the redheaded girl smiled and they all kept on walking.
Devastated, little tree, drooped his boughs and began to cry.
He looked up to the sky where the star had been the night before,
"Why? Why little star could I not just go with her?"
But then, much to little tree's astonishment
the redheaded girl came back!
Her smile was wide and she turned to the blond boy with her and said,
"This one. This one is my Christmas tree!"
Little tree could not believe it!
He was chopped down by the boy and then the redheaded girl picked him up.
"He is perfect, " she said with a smile. "Simply perfect."
That was the year that little tree was decorated,
sung around, gazed at and praised.
He was now a Christmas tree and his name was Phineus.

*This is my tree Phineus, he is simply perfect!*

Phineus, my Christmas Tree

Yes. He is wearing a bow tie. Why? Because bow ties are cool!

Giving Thanks

2011-11-30T01:48:00.000-05:00

*Names have been removed to protect the identities of the innocent. So, instead I have pictures!*

Meg

This Thanksgiving Break was the most amazing break I've had in long time. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the hospitality and love that has been shared with me by friends and family in the last couple years and I am grateful for people who have taken me in. However, this year I was blessed to spend Thanksgiving Break with The Olsen Family. My "boy's" family. Yes, I have a "boy". He will be discussed at length on a different day. Wednesday night Boy and I drove from Provo to Manti. There was this overwhelming sense of freedom as we left the city and headed into the darkness of the country. I didn't feel trapped anymore by street lights, crazy drivers who think every street is the NASCAR track, lights, and an overwhelming amount of people. The stars were more visible and that alone made me heart sigh with relief. We drove for about an hour and a half and the view of the temple, as we drove into the town was enough to stop my heart. It was absolutely stunning. Once we got inside we dropped our bags and I met Boy's family. His immediate family, that is. He has two younger brothers, Twins, and they are hilarious. His Mom is one of the most amazing ladies I have ever met. She was baking pies for Thanksgiving when we got there and she was so kind and hospitable, she's just simply a wonderful woman. His Dad is soft spoken and also kind. He, too, is quite an amazing man. I have to admit something though, I think the cutest member of his family (aside from Boy) is his dog, Meg. She is the most adorable boarder collie puppy I have ever met. She kissed me and curled up in my lap and played with me. She seemed so proud to show off her "mad" raccoon hunting skills. She simply melted my heart. Anyway, it was nice to sit and chat for awhile and let's just say that I had no idea of what was in store for me in the days to come.

This is me and Boy.

Thursday-Thanksgiving Day
The Olsen's have a tradition in their family. Pie for Breakfast. It is probably the most ingenious idea I have heard in a long time. They have pie for breakfast with the whole family because, as everyone knows, after dinner you're too stuffed to eat anything especially pie. This way you don't feel like you're a balloon about ready to pop! It's magnificent. What's more is that I believe all of the pies were homemade. It's a beautiful thing. Anyway, I met a whole lot of cousins and Aunts and Uncles and it was overwhelming but so much fun. They truly are an amazing family. All of them. After breakfast, and after family members began to trickle out, the rest of us gathered in the living room to watch the last bit of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day
Parade. I've never really watched all of it because I really don't have the patience for it but it was cute. It helped that I was playing with Legos with Boy and his younger twin brothers. It was quite amusing and after awhile I realize that my creative skills tend to fall around the 0% mark when it comes to Legos. So I sat back for awhile and watched for a bit. I noticed a couple things:

1. They all sit the same way. It's quite darling actually.

Sitting on one leg with the other leg bent.

2. Boy is an excellent "booby trap" engineer.

Booby Trap

Anyway, it was quite an eventful afternoon and we hadn't even eaten dinner yet! We went over to his Aunt and Uncle's house and it was simply a lot of fun. Fun+Good food=One Happy Caitlin. This was the "Kids" table.

Thanksgiving Dinner Table

Tied to my glass I found a beautiful little ornament that his aunt had made. It was a gift for me!

This currently resides on my Christmas tree

After dinner we sat around and chatted about everything. Music, movies, school, where I'm from, what I'm doing at school etc. We even talked about iPhones and I decided that talking to a phone who is intelligent enough to talk back is not my cup of tea. In fact, I feel like the new iPhone 4 S is somehow plotting the world's demise...but that's a topic for another time. After we were done chatting, we helped clean up and then we sat around and sang songs. The Olsen Family is quite the talented bunch.

Musical kiddos. It was a fun evening.

Later we watched Miracle on 34th Street. A movie I have never seen, or remember seeing that it. I thought it was a very cute movie. Finally, after a long day of food and fun we went back to Boy's family's house and headed to bed. It was such a good day and I had had a good hair day...see?

Now, on Friday we had quite the little adventure. When we woke up we got ready to go up into the mountains to go Christmas Tree "hunting". Now, I've never done this before but it was a lot of fun. It was cold but so much fun! We climbed around the mountain searching for a good tree and found one that in my mind is quite perfect. (Of course, this is not my tree but I still loved it.) On the way back down the mountain, Boy's Mom saw a little lacy Cedar that I fell in love with. So, Boy cut it down for me and now I am the proud owner of the cutest Cedar Christmas tree that you have ever seen! It makes me so very happy.

This is Boy fixing the air in his Dad's truck tires.

When we got back, Boy began to practice his song for that evening's Christmas Program for his grandparents. I helped the twins memorize "Twas The Night Before Christmas" and then I practiced my song, O Holy Night.

That's Boy. He plays the piano EXTREMELY WELL.

This little artistic festival was followed by some extremely fun shooting... of shotguns that is. Then we did the most amazing thing and rode the horses. Sadly, I do not have visual documentation of either one of these events because, quite frankly, having my iPhone out at every second, taking pictures was obnoxious and rather boring. I was enjoying myself too much. Anyway, before I got on my horse, Boy and his Dad took the horses around the pasture and something happened that stopped my heart and yet taught me a lesson all at the same time. So you know that saying "Get back on the horse"? Yes, well, I know it well and if he didn't before (which is doubtful) Boy definitely learned that it is the best thing to do. Boy was bucked off the horse he was riding. Not that his horse was a bad horse, he just got a little rile d up but, man oh man was that the slowest five seconds of my life. Watching Boy fly off the horse like that was scary but then something super awesome happened. He popped up off the ground and got back on his horse. So, a simply thing, right? Um, not to me. That lesson of getting back on the horse was taught to me, quite literally, by Boy and he didn't even know he was doing it. (Aside from "life lessons" Boy is actually a very good teacher.)

After riding the horses around the pasture a few times, we decided to go in and thaw before dinner. Even though I had been looking forward to riding horses and shooting guns from the moment I found out they were part of the plans, I have to say that Friday night was my favorite night of the whole entire break.

It's tradition in Boy's family to have a Christmas Program and Prime Rib Dinner the day after Thanksgiving. They come together to kick off the Christmas season and it was the most touching, spiritual, simple gifts that anyone could have given me, to let me stay and experience that with them.

For this Christmas Program, Boy played the song The Holy City, his grandpa's favorite song. The the twins recited "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Then I had the privilege of taking part in this program by singing O Holy Night. It is one of my favorite Christmas songs and as I sang I prayed. I prayed that I would be allowed to take with me the spirit of Christmas that everyone else had brought to the program and I thanked the Lord for allowing me to share my talent with a family who had shared so much with me and hoped that it was enough.

After the program, we ate dinner (and more pie!) And as another part of their tradition, we watched last year's Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas Concert. Last year they featured David Archuleta and Michael York. As we listened to the songs and the stories, I couldn't help but feel the everlasting peace that comes from knowing that Jesus Christ came into the world "not to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."-John 3:17 Christ came unto this world, not with the loud trumpeting of heavenly hosts or with fanfare and parades. He came, born of the Virgin Mary, humbly; born in a lowly manger stall surrounded oxen and lambs. He who would suffer for me in Gethsemane, He who would be hung on a cross on Calvary, He who would rise again overcoming death; His life began humbly, quietly, peacefully in a manger. My heart filled with the overwhelming knowledge that Christ lives and loves me and that even for just a weekend, I was blessed to be able to spend a time of Thanksgiving with a wonderful family who shared their home, their talents and their love with me, a stranger.

Christ lives and He loves you and me. That is what I am most grateful for.

My New Phone

2011-11-19T14:51:00.000-05:00

There is a story attached to this which I will be blogging about soon but for now, say hello to my new phone, Atticus. He is an iPhone 4.

I'm in love. :)

Avocado Turkey Wrap

2011-11-10T16:49:00.004-05:00

1/4 avocado
1 tortilla
5-6 slices of turkey deli meat
1 laughing cow light swiss wedge (You can use cream cheese too-it's up to you!)

Spread cheese and avocado on tortilla and then place sliced turkey. Roll and heat on skillet!

Easy as 1,2,3!

This Past Sunday...

2011-11-10T15:08:00.000-05:00

I'm obsessed with Pinterest. Who the heck isn't?! Anyway, I found some recipies that looked super yummy and because it's cold outside (and I need to cook more) I took the opportunity to make some homemade yummies. Here they are:

Chicken Noodle Soup (Crock-Pot Style)

...dinner rolls...

..and PEACH COBBLER for dessert!! (Complete with vanilla ice cream but I bought that...)

Because Sunday was insane, Jackie and John helped me make this last one but it was DELICIOUS!!! I don't know why I don't cook more. I'm not half bad!

I think I would've made my Momma proud!

Thankfuls

2011-11-03T23:48:00.001-04:00

Picking up again on my alphabet "I Am Thankful For" things. So since it is November, the month of Thanksgiving (the holiday because every month really should be a month of thanksgiving) I decided to pick up where I left off and then finish out the month! YAY! Now I have something to blog about instead of sitting here watching my cursor blink while my brain goes blank. So here goes:

November 1st- "O"

"O" is for Optimists. Sometimes it is hard to remember the positive side of life. I'm really grateful for the people in my life who can kick my booty every now and then simply by smiling and saying, "You know, it's raining today but isn't it so beautiful?!" I lose sight of the positive side of life sometimes but those people, they know who they are, help me to realize that life isn't always so bad.

November 2nd- "P"

"P" is for Patience. No, I am not exactly grateful for the process of waiting for something that I'd really like to have but I've been in a situation lately that has made me be able to see things a little more clearly. I've been able to look back on past experiences and realize that the things the Lord has made me wait for have been the things that I love and appreciate more. It's interesting to realize. Interesting and humbling. Patience is a good thing no matter how I try to fight it.

November 3rd- "Q"

"Q" is for Questions. Obnoxious? Sometimes. Necessary? Absolutely. Can you imagine what life would be like walking around like a mindless drone? Um, no. You see, I am the kind of person who likes to know the "why". Why am I doing this? What is the purpose? If I do this, what will be the outcome? I am a planner and I think about things. I like to know what is going on basically at all times. Now, I do like surprises, I do but if it is something I can control or a personal decision, believe you me, I'll take the reigns. I am too afraid to let anybody else (but me and the Lord) dictate my life.

Crazy, Stupid, Love II

2011-11-02T02:39:00.001-04:00

I think I've already posted a blog titled "Crazy, Stupid, Love" and yes, I am pulling from the title of that massively awkward/delightful film that just came out this past summer. It's late and I should be in bed but I just got back from seeing that movie and I just wanted to post this:

"...When you find the one, you never give up..."

Don't. Give. Up.

Bend As Far As You Have To, Just Don't Break.

2011-10-30T22:28:00.006-04:00

In the words of my Father, "Just don't break. If you break the world will have to deal with TWO OF YOU!!!" No worries my dear friends, I will not break. Not only for my sanity but for yours as well.

Life lately has been a roller coaster. Being tired for two weeks straight and not feeling like I'm doing anything right has taken such a toll on me. I have been going and going and going, trying to keep up with my social life, trying to stay on top of homework, trying to be a patient roommate, trying to be a grateful daughter, trying to get enough sleep, trying to keep my body from falling apart, trying to serve as much as I can...it takes its toll.

People often ask, "How are you?" When you respond, "Okay" they seem to go into I-must-fix-this-mode. I love all of my dear friends but to be honest, sometimes you just can't help me. Sometimes I just have to fix it myself...with the help of the Lord, of course.

Don't you worry about me! I'm not going to break. In fact, I'm so much stronger than that. The Lord is on my side. I just need to ride the wave for a bit. To calm your worried hearts, here are some picture of what I've been up to lately.

The Hundred Dresses:

Please note: I am smiling in all of those pictures!!!

Musical Love :)

2011-10-10T20:46:00.002-04:00

I'm obsessed with these songs right now. It's just plain FABULOUS!

I LOVE THESE SONGS!!

Pinterest, New Hair and 100 Dresses

2011-09-21T15:09:00.011-04:00

This semester has been absolutely BONKERS and it's only week 3! This is fine though. I actually like that I always have something to be doing and that most of the time it has to do with my major, which is (drum roll please) STAGE MANAGEMENT! Hooray! I love it. I get to be in the Theatre 18+ hours a week and the show that I'm on the production team for is the BYU traveling troupe: Young Company. This semester we are producing The Hundred Dresses based on the book by Eleanor Estes. It is simply adorable. Everyone should go see it.

I've discovered that on one version of the Meyers-Briggs test I am a 50/50 split blue and orange which explains SO MUCH. Ridiculous I tell you. I'd explain but it would take too long. Just know that I learned a whole heck of a lot about myself. It was cool.

Now, what is Pinterest, you ask? Well! It's this fabulous little website where you can type in anything you want (just about) and you will find pictures, tutorials, how-to's, ideas, websites and other such shenanigans. I am OBSESSED! I love all the cute and easy DIY crafts I've found and can't wait to do them. ALL of them! And I've found super easy recipes that I am SUPER pumped to start making. Pinterest is fabulous and I love it.

Today I got a hair cut and dyed my hair. Nothing drastic though, I just got more shape added and I did a DIY at home hair dye job. It's still red. :) (Don't worry, Alisa!) I'm in love with the polished look and once I get a moment I will get some pics up.

Speaking of pics my roommates and I are having our annual roomie pics taken tomorrow so that will be my "BIG" post of the week possibly next week! I'm so excited. We found a good spot and our photographer is a good friend of mine and I'm so excited for her to take the pics!!

A Promise

2011-09-21T15:05:00.003-04:00

I have promised myself that by the end of the week I will have a new blog post. (A real one, not a fake on announcing that I will have a new post soon.) It'll be big and fun. There's lots to write about!

American Heritage

2011-09-06T20:47:00.003-04:00

I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I enjoy reading about the Founding Fathers' struggle with creating an effective government or writing a constitution. I'm grateful for their sacrifices, knowing they were great and had more than just a "positive effect" on the United States and I'm grateful that I have the opportunity to live in a Nation where freedom of speech, press and religion are among other things at my disposal. However, I am NOT and I repeat NOT happy that I am forced to take a class that hides under the guise of "American Heritage" when it's proper and more correct title should be "American Politics and Why Most People Hate Learning About History." When a reading packet costs more than the textbook for a class, you know you're in trouble. Now, don't get me wrong I've enjoyed the readings so far, I really, honest to goodness, have! BUT I am struggling to see where the parallel between the readings and the lectures lies. I have to write an essay about any opinion I have on the subject of any of the following subjects.

1. Government action invariably means a loss of individual liberty.

2. When designing a government (or writing a constitution), you should never make

optimistic assumptions about human nature.

3. An individual can achieve the greatest freedom only when bound to a community.

4. Inequality is a natural condition of human society, not a reason for government

intervention.

But, of course, I can't write an essay on my true and honest opinion. I DON'T CARE! I really don't and I know that that is a sad position but I hate political arguments because no matter what, no one will ever be right! I mean, I don't like to be wrong but why in the heck would I write a paper on something that I can't prove to be right! EVER! Someone will always prove me wrong and in this ever changing world even when something is factually "right" it won't be for more than a week. (At least that is my experience with politics...Carl is probably dying right now, Alisa, make sure he doesn't get too worked up about this. ;)) I don't like debating opinion. I think it's stupid and pointless because you can't prove that one opinion is right and one is wrong (hence the definition of "opinion") in my mind it's just an excuse to argue and I think that that breeds contention and according to 3 Nephi 11:29, "...contention is not of me (God) but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another." So forgive me if I chose not to contend.

Patience.

2011-08-27T16:48:00.004-04:00

It's really hard for me.

I hate being patient.

I'm a control freak and a perfectionist and I like to know what is going on at all times.

Unfortunately, the Lord knows that I have a problem with patience and therefore is always testing me to see if I've gotten any better.

Lately, I have been trying really hard but I think I've been scoring closer to C's than A's but I'm getting better. I'm just not doing as well as I would like to be. This is a problem because then I start to be hard on myself and then I loose the confidence to do better and start slipping in other areas of my life. It's a constant battle but I'm not backing down.

I will learn how to be more patient and to trust the Lord with my life.

He has bigger and better plans for me and I just need to trust that.

I will learn patience if it is the last thing I do!

Mash Up for a Perfect Emotion

2011-08-26T13:54:00.007-04:00

Sometimes in life you get hurt. It happens and life goes on. I'm one of those people who finds solace in music. I love listening to music that a friend of mine calls "angry girl music" if I'm mad about the situation but then I feel bad because I know how emotions can run high and how sometimes you get caught up in something that you know can't and won't last so then I listen to the "I'm-hurt-but-I-don't-blame-you" music. But then I feel like I have every right to be upset, maybe not angry but still upset so I listen to the "I'm-going-to-be-fine-but-please-don't-talk-to-me-for-awhile" music. BUT THEN I think, "Good grief! I'm so much better than this moping crap! Put on your big girl panties and get over it!" There is a genre of music for this too. I call it the, "It's-alright-I'm-stronger-than-weakness" music.

A couple weeks ago I went through this rather emotional roller coaster ride. I don't regret it, I learned a lot from it but I wish maybe I had been a little wiser in my decision making. I also wish I had been stronger than to give myself false hope. (A mistake I don't often make...) Anyway, I've been listening to all my "relationship music genres" lately and realized that I wish I could take certain lines from a bunch of different songs to make one mega-mash-up song that could appropriately sum up all the emotions. Here is my attempt to do so.

"When you see my face hope it gives you hell, hope it gives you hell,"

-Gives You Hell, All-American Rejects

"So so what I'm still a rock star I've got my rock moves and I don't need you,"

-So What, Pink

"You know fairy tales don't come true, not when it comes to you,"

-Sick of You, Selena Gomez

"I guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough, I'm like forget you,"

-Forget You, Cee lo Green

"Next time I'll be braver I'll be my own savior...No I won't let you close enough to hurt me,"

-Turning Tables, Adele

"Who do you think you are? Runnin' 'round leaving scars collecting your jar of hearts tearing love apart."

-Jar Of Hearts, Christina Perri

"I'm telling you baby, it's called Karma"

-Karma, Julie Andrew

"Nevermind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you,"

-Someone Like You, Adele

"I don't want mudslinging games, it's just a shame to let you walk away,"

-Ashes and Wine, A Fine Frenzy

"You and me always between the lines,"

-Between The Lines, Sara Bareilles

"We could've had it all rollin' in the deep,"

-Rollin' In The Deep, Adele

"How many times will it take for me to get it right?"

-Get it Right, Glee

"One of these days I'll wake up from this bad dream I'm dreaming. One of these days I'll pray that I'll be over, over, over you."

-Ghost of You, Selena Gomez

"He and I had something beautiful but so dysfunctional, it couldn't last,"

-Near to You, A Fine Frenzy

"I let you go now that I found a way to keep somehow more than a broken vow,"

-Broken Vow, Josh Groban

"One less man to pick up after, I should be happy but all I do is cry,"

-One Less Bell To Answer, Glee Cast Version

"Should've known you'd bring me heartache almost lovers always do,"

-Almost Lover, A Fine Frenzy

"The game is on again, a lover or a friend? A big thing or a small the winner takes it all,"

-The Winner Takes It All, ABBA

"Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in,"

-Because of You, Kelly Clarkson

"You paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain,"

-Dear John, Taylor Swift

"You told me you loved me so why did you go away?"

-Last Kiss, Taylor Swift

"Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I'm only falling apart,"

-Total Eclipse of the Heart, Bonnie Tyler

"But it's been so long, it's never easy it's like trying to spin the world the other way,"

-What Can I Say, Carrie Underwood

"I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long, I'm moving on,"

-Moving On, Rascal Flatts

"It's alright I'll be fine, don't worry about this heart of mine,"

-Leave the Pieces, The Wreckers

"Now all our memories are haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye,"

-Already Gone, Kelly Clarkson

"But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you this is what I have to do,"

-Where I Stood, Missy Higgins

"Make your own kind of music sing your own special song,"

-Make Your Own Kind of Music, The Mamas & the Papas

"Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking."

-Smile, Nat King Cole

"Don't give up, because you are loved."

-Don't Give Up, Josh Groban

"There can be miracles when you believe. Though hope is frail it's hard to kill."

-When You Believe, Prince of Egypt

"Don't stop believing hold on to that feeling,"

-Don't Stop Believing, Journey

"Live like there's no tomorrow, love like it's all that we know,"

-Like There's No Tomorrow, Selena Gomez

"Hauka Matata"

-Hakuna Matata, The Lion King

"I have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything."

-I Have a Dream, ABBA

So this is definitely not a comprehensive list of songs I listen to but it works. For now.

We Called It "The Best Dam-Shirtless-Beaches Trip"

2011-08-25T17:58:00.005-04:00

Why?

Because we passed a Dam. Made a joke about being shirtless. Went to two beaches. And enjoyed ourselves at Disneyland. I've never been to any of the Disney parks before so it was my first time and I completely enjoyed myself.

So I went to California for a little vacation. It started out with about 15 people. Only 4 of us went. Me and 3 boys: Adam, Nolan and Sean. Not going to lie, it was SO MUCH FUN! Being the only girl for once was nice. Having 5 sisters and no brothers, this was definitely a new experience and I loved every last second of it. Even the extremely long ride back to Provo.

Between The Lines

2011-08-17T21:45:00.004-04:00

"Time to tell me the truth..."

It's hard knowing that someone is telling you only half a truth because only half of them can be honest with you. It's 100% percent of half of them and you want that to be enough but in all reality it's not.

"...to burden your mouth with what you say, no pieces of paper in the way..."

I know in this lovely world of technology, texting has become a part of relationships of all kinds. The problem with this is that there is no inflection, there is no obligation to respond to any kind of communication if there is no face-to-face confrontation. It's hard for people, like myself, who are so led and directed and in tune to their emotions.

"...'cause I can't continue, pretending to choose..."

Pretending that no matter what you decide, I'll support you and be happy for you is tiring. You know I do love and support you but being dragged out through this whole process has taken its toll on me in every way.

"...these opposite sides on which we fall, the loving you laters if at all..."

We're torn, or at least I am, between these two options that only you can decide on and I have to go along with. Maybe you think that's unfair but I don't think so. I could walk away but every time I try, you reel me back in with promises of hope and that's unfair.

"...no right minds could wrong be this many times."

Which must mean that neither one of us has a "right" mind.

Changing the pace here a little bit, how the heck is it okay in your mind to drag me along and give me hope and then not even talk to me about what you're actually thinking? I get that maybe you need time to figure your ...crap...out but then you need to tell me that. I would be more than happy to give you your space and your time but there are certain things that have been exchanged between the two of us that you can't just expect me to "know" what to do. Plus, let's just point out the very obvious fact that I am a female. What female do you know that doesn't want to know what you're thinking or what you'd prefer for her to do? Especially when emotions are involved like this.

"You and me always between the lines."

Time Management and Other Confessions of a Control Freak

2011-08-03T10:21:00.008-04:00

Okay, so really my daily ritual isn't super important to anyone else's life but my own however, someone asked me and I thought I should blog about it. So here it is. This is what I do (or intend to do) every day. Weekends are much different...as you'll see.

Monday-Friday Morning

(Friday after 5pm differs every week)

6:30am: Wake up

6:32-6:45am: Shower

6:46-6:50am: Get dressed and towel dry my hair

6:50-7:00am: Eat a small bowl of cereal-typically Honey Nut Chex or Cheerios. And by small I mean literally 3/4 cup. :) Also during this time my hair can air dry.

7:00-7:10am: Make my lunch

7:10-7:20am: Blow dry and style my hair. (It has taken me YEARS but I finally figured out a way that I can do it in 10 minutes or less.)

7:20-7:25am: Apply my make-up. Some days it takes a little longer if I want to look extra nice but I'm pretty fast with this one.

(I give myself 5 minutes extra in the morning in case any of the afore mentioned activities take longer than planned.)

7:30am: If I'm walking this morning, I leave for work. If Maria picks me up I have another 5 minutes for touch ups. :)

7:45/7:50am: I usually get to work between this time. Sometimes earlier but NEVER after. I hate being late...

8:00am-Work begins.

Between the hours of 8am and 5pm (for the rest of the summer that is) I work. I stuff diploma covers, process transcript requests, open the office mail, send out transcripts, answer phones-and all sorts of ridiculous question that people somehow manage to conjure up, I process name changes, I process verification request, I file, I get rid of old or outdated forms, I restock forms. The list goes on but some of it would make no sense to anyone outside the office. For example: Checking edits. What?? It takes too long to explain so I'll move on...

5pm-I go home. Sometimes I walk, sometimes I get a ride from Maria. It all depends on how I'm feeling.

Between 5:15-5:25pm: I get home! By this point I'm usually to tired to do anything right away but eventually I get up.

5:45pm-Make my bed and clean my room. I know it's late in the day but there is just something so calming about a clean room.

6:00pm-Eat dinner. Sometimes. Sometimes I'm just not hungry so I have a "snack" for dinner. Like toast or an egg. But usually for dinner I have a sandwich or pasta dish of some kind. While I eat I watch TV or a movie. (Lately this has continued after I've finished eating but it's not my typical ritual)

Around 7:30pm I go out and visit my friends in the ward. Sometimes this takes the rest of the night but sometimes it doesn't. It just depends.

9:00-10:00pm-Work out. (I've been with friends every night for the past couple week so this hasn't happened. I've been thinking about doing it right when I get home but as for now 9pm is when I have it scheduled for.) My roommate Coli and I do this together. Sometimes we do Jillian Michaels work outs, sometimes we do abs and sometimes we do an 80s Hips, Buns and Thighs work out. It's FUN! Now, it never takes the whole hour because most of the work outs are only 30-40 minutes but for the other 20 mins I take the time to shower.

10:00-10:?pm: I say my prayers, read my scriptures and go to bed. I'm usually asleep every night before 11.

Like I said before, Friday after 5pm is different because I don't have to wake up early the next day. And if I do wake up early the next day, it's not to do anything where I really need my brain to do any hard or focused thinking.

Saturday

The only blessed day that I get to sleep in!

8:30-9am: Wake up

9(ish)am: Breakfast. This usally consists of a couple eggs or a small bowl of cereal.

I don't usually plan out my Saturdays. Sometimes I devote most of the day to chores like laundry or dished or vacuuming or cleaning my room or cleaning the bathroom etc. Sometimes I go shopping. Other times I sit at home and do nothing but watch TV or Movies. (Which sounds lazy but give me a break, I do a lot during the week!) I hang out with friends, go swimming, go to the park, ride my bike or whatever else my little heart fancies. Saturday is my day to do basically whatever I want to do.

Sunday

8:30am-Wake up.

Then the rest of the day is devoted to Church. I'm in meetings for church or at church or doing something related to church from 10:30am to 5:00pm, then again at 8:00pm. Occasionally I'll watch a movie after 9:00pm but mostly I just go to bed. Sundays are long and full days but I LOVE them. :)

So, there you have it whether you cared to know or not. (But if you didn't care, why did you take the time to visit my blog and read this post? Just a thought...)

As my friend and I discussed why I plan out my time like this it got me thinking. First of all I will admit that I am a control freak. There are so many events in life that can't be controlled so the things that I can control I do. Like the following: Time Management. I have my movies arranged by genre and within the genre by actor. For example in musicals I have 3 movies with Shirley Jones they are placed next to one another. (I have also created a spread sheet organizing my movies by genre, year and director.) In my closet, my clothes are arranged by color. My books are arranged by author and then by size. The list goes on. So, like I've said, I control the things I can because there are things I can't control but I think that my control freakishness may also come from overcompensation for the things that I should be able to control but that I'm awful at. Like Money Management. Gross. I hate it. I have tried to create a budget many many times and I fail at sticking to it every time. It's ridiculous. But what can I say? I'm not perfect, I'm a perfectionist and a control freak.

Just Some Thoughts...

2011-08-02T23:37:00.003-04:00

You know how in the movies there are times when a character says, "It's been so long since I've dated...I don't even know how to anymore!" I was thinking about this today. Not with a "pity me" sort of attitude but just a very pensive one. I thought about how I feel like that sometimes. I seriously haven't dated anyone in over 2 and a half years. In fact, I haven't been on anymore than three dates. It made me worry that whenever it is that I finally do start dating again, whenever that happens to be, I'll be awkward and won't know how to just be me. I mean, it's easy to be you with yourself and I know who I am but with someone else who you want to impress but aren't trying to impress? Will it just be that easy to be myself? Thoughts?

Live In The Present...

2011-07-24T20:22:00.006-04:00

Living in the present can be hard sometimes. We think about our future careers and families, we think about "how life will be better once I'm not swimming in student loans, when I have a better job, after I graduate in three years." But then there are moments when all you want is to stay right here, right now for as long as you possibly can. This weekend was one of those weekends. Though I didn't get much sleep and I was hardly at rest for more than 15 minutes on any given day, I learned what it was to live in the present.

Alisa and Carl graduated, I was able to go support them.

I went on a road trip with one of my bestest friends in the whole world! (Yes, I used 'bestest').

I stood under the wide-open Idaho sky and stared at the clear, sparkling stars and thought about how beautiful this world is if you just stop and look around.

I think the thing that was best about this weekend was that I was able to spend time with my best friends. Alisa and Erin. There was a conversation that we all had about connections and how we connect with certain people in deep ways. It's funny, you know? There are certain people in your life that you know will always have no matter what, no matter where we move, how close or far we live to one another, missions, internships, graduations, babies, etc. they will always be there. The three of us will definitely be friends forever.

Clearly. :)

I Love To See The Temple...

2011-07-21T15:08:00.003-04:00

I went last night to the temple and I can't say how much I love being there. I know that the Gospel is true and that in quiet moments in the temple you can receive the peace, comfort and direction that you desire. If you can go to the temple, go. There is no greater feeling in the world than to feel his loving arms around you as you dwell there.

This is a beautiful talk. I love it. Enjoy.

Learn from the Past...

2011-07-20T18:21:00.001-04:00

Do you ever have days that just don't go your way? Days that kind of smack you in the face and then all of a sudden you're on the ground and you don't really know all the events that led you there? Yes, I do too. Yesterday was one of them. But not for nothing. Let me explain.

There are moments in my life that I look back on and feel guilty about. I look back and think, "Thank Heavens I am not the same person." I look back and cringe at how stubborn, proud, angry and hurt I was over this particular circumstance. I look back and wish I could've changed the way I handled the situation. I think the hardest thing about it all is that it didn't just effect me. I hurt someone else in the process, someone I cared about very much...and, admittedly, still care for. But nothing comes from living in the past, only learning from it. I just hope that I'm not too late to make things better again. So, why was yesterday so hard? Because those feelings were brought back to the surface in a very blunt way. I won't go into details just know it wasn't easy to look back and see how awful I had been.

But you know what? I am so happy that I can look back on my life and say, "Thank heavens I am not the same girl I was two years ago" because in all honesty I am so much better for it. If a person can't look back on their life and see change, growth, mistakes then they haven't grown up, matured and learned much, if anything. I'm not perfect and I do have things in my past that I regret but I have learned. I have grown up, I'm still growing up. There's nothing wrong with that.

In all reality, I have changed. It's been painful and scary but I wouldn't want to be the same person I was two and a half years ago! So while learning from the past is hard sometimes, I'm so happy that I have.

So true, So true.

2011-07-15T13:39:00.002-04:00

Praying

2011-07-12T19:58:00.002-04:00

I don't think I've ever prayed so hard in my lifetime! AHHH!

This is very scary.

Harry Potter...Tears, Fears and Goodbyes

2011-07-07T15:01:00.004-04:00

*This Post does in fact include spoilers from The Harry Potter Series, if you have not read the books or seen the movies and wish to keep the element of surprise, please do not continue reading.*

I just finished watching the live stream of the World Premiere of

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part Two. I was completely caught off guard by how emotional I was at seeing all of the actors, producers, directors, and even JK Rowling herself. Emma's "farewell" speech brought the tears to my eyes and then Rupert's sent them aflowin'. But when JK stood at that microphone and thanked everyone, me included, I lost it.

It's funny, you know? You grow up always knowing that Harry and his friends will always be there. That when you want to escape from whatever you want to escape from, you can pick up any Harry Potter book and you're immediately transported to Hogwarts and all of the adventures that Hogwarts has to offer. Now we have 7 phenomenal books of this spectacular series as well as 8 films beautifully done to bring the books to life. So, even though this is the end-as in no more "new" material will be written or filmed for our Harry-Potter-Lovin'-Hearts to look forward to as J.K. Rowling said today, "Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home."

Reflecting upon my ridiculously silly emotional state, I realized why this is such a big big BIG deal to me. Some would say that this post should have been posted in 2007 when The Deathly Hallows was published. That was the real ending, no? No. not to me. By that time those of us who followed the films still had a LOT to look forward to, it still wasn't quite done. So, why am I emotional? Why does this matter? Why am I such a baby?

Because I grew up with Harry, Ron and Hermione.

When Sirius died, I cried.

When Fred died, I bawled.

When Harry got the Firebolt, I was so excited to fly with him.

When Ron saved Harry from the Dursley's in his dad's flying car, I fell in love.

When Dobby was killed by Belatrix, I was mad and sad.

I was afraid of Bellatrix.

I plotted against Umbridge.

I cheered with the other Griffindors when we won the house cup.

etc.etc.etc.

I did all of those things because I was there, transported by the words, details and descriptions that J.K. Rowling so meticulously and brilliantly crafted.

When I first picked up a copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, I was 11. I literally grew up with Harry, Ron and Hermione. It's hard to believe that it's over. But only kind of over because the story, the books and Hogwarts will always be there. Harry Potter will never die. It's all around us especially now with all of the theme parks, tours, t-shirts, pictures and memories that have been born because of it.

So, if there is one thing I could say to J.K. Rowling, it would be this:

Thank you. Thank you for sharing your brilliance with the world. Harry Potter's story may be done and we may cry as we say our goodbyes and wonder what will happen in the future but Harry Potter is never, ever, gone.

Protected

2011-06-28T16:57:00.003-04:00

I have no doubt that my life was saved by angels from Heaven just the other night.

On Friday night I was riding in a car back from Grassroots' A Midsummer Night's Dream. We had stopped at a 4 way stop and when we began to go again, and a car came flying out of NO WHERE.

We almost got hit.

We all could have seriously been hurt.

But we didn't.

I know that I am alive because of my Heavenly Father's protection. There is no doubt in my mind.

"N" is for Night

2011-06-25T16:26:00.000-04:00

I don't like the dark.

In fact, given the choice between darkness and light I would chose the light.

But I love to sleep. And I love to sleep in the DARK. Seriously, I'm such a picky sleeper. It has to be cold and dark. That's when I sleep my best.

I am grateful fro night because at night, you can fully enjoy fireworks, you can see the stars. You can sleep...in the dark. Things are just plain slower at night. You don't have to answer the phone, you don't have to go grocery shopping-partly because most grocery stores worth going to are closed-you don't have to do laundry etc. There is so much that you do during the day that the night is so much of a relief.

So, I'm grateful for nighttime. I love it. Darkness and all.

Close your eyes...

2011-06-15T15:52:00.004-04:00

Close your eyes, just for a moment and I'll take you somewhere special.
There is a place I know where you can sit in the big white rocking chair on the front porch, listening to the sound of the trees rustling in the wind made by the oncoming storm.
There are moments when the smell of Honeysuckle completely takes over your senses and then t in a split second the smell of rain takes charge.
The rocking chair you're sitting in makes a creaking noise as you rock back and forth and you can faintly hear the undertones of voices having a conversation just inside the house.
The wind catches on your neighbor's wooden wind chime and the hollow clacking of the wood adds to the excitement of the storm.

The warm air almost hugs you as you sit in that old rocking chair and you can't help but notice the beauty of the strikingly green grass that surrounds your house and stretches up and over the hills surrounding it.

You lean back soaking it all in.

This is Home.

My Old Kentucky Home.

We Are Family

2011-06-15T15:05:00.003-04:00

I've had this song stuck in my head for awhile now.
Probably because the fact that last week my entire family was together under one roof.
The last time that happened was 3 years ago.
It's interesting, you know?
The oldest, Michelle, was there with her husband and 2 children.
The second, Kimberly, had a lot of insight into the world of education, both for becoming educated and being an educator.
The third, Julie, was just as wonderful as she ever is and definitely did everything in her power to have fun with her niece and nephew. "You'll never look more ridiculous than when you're trying to get a baby to laugh."-Julie
Then there's me.
Lauren just graduated high school and works two part time jobs. She works at Tinseltown, a great thing for her family (yay free movies!) and nannies for a family of our church.
Elyse, the youngest, is going to be a senior in HS this next year.

It's weird because we're all growing up and yet when we get together it's just like old times. We're all so different. We're all very much the same, too. And even though we fight and disagree (often times) I still love my sisters. We are family, after all. :)

You NEED to KNOW!

2011-05-26T15:06:00.004-04:00

So there is this FABULOUS lady.

Her name is Jenni James.

She has re-written the Jane Austen series for young adults and not only has she kept the classic, beloved, well-known stories ALIVE, she has added twists and turns to make them her own.

I'll tell you this:
I LOVED LOVED LOVED them!
(Well, I've only read Pride & Popularity but I just KNOW they are all going to be superb.)

So you should get the book. It's available for Kindle, etc.

If you like letting go for awhile and indulging in a fabulous retelling of a classic novel, this is the book for you!

I laughed, cried, gushed, giggled, got mad and then happy again. This book is a treasure and you'll love it!!

So, now you know! But don't just take my word for it! GO! GO! Go get the book, you silly!

Enjoy!

"M" is for Music

2011-05-25T21:39:00.004-04:00

Let's face it folks, I eat, breathe, sleep and dream the stuff.

Almost all kinds too!

Country, Pop, Oldies, Techno, Rock, (a little bit of) Punk....the list and variations go on forever.

I could sing, sing, SING all day if you'd let me!

I almost always have to have music playing or singing...lol.

I hate the question, "What is your favorite song?" Because, seriously? How do you answer that?

Which genre? What are we talking here? Love? Break-up? Pining? Happy-go-lucky? I-hate-the-world? Don't-mess-with-me-or-I'll-tear-you-to-shreds?

...WHAT?!?!

There are a few songs that I want to share with you today though. These songs in particular have pulled me out of some of my darkest days and thoughts. Or they've made me feel A BAJILLION happier than just plain ol' happy. I hope you like them to.

1. Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles

2. Big Girl (You are Beautiful), Mika

3. Hoppipolla, Sigur Ros

4. Vanilla Twilight, Owl City

5. Unforgettable & Smile, Nat King Cole

6. Enough Love, Duffy

7. Everybody's Changing, Keane

8. Faithfully & Don't Stop Believeing, Journey

9.Good Mornin' Life, Dean Martin

10. You Are Loved, Josh Groban

11. Firework, Katy Perry

12. Fallin' For You, Colbie Caillat

....haha, and that's just to name A FEW!

"L" is for Love, Laughter and Life

2011-05-20T17:58:00.004-04:00

Have you ever had a day that was just plain miserable? Like nothing would go right no matter how much you tried or how long you kept your chin up? Yeah, ME TOO!

The good thing about those crappy days is that there is always a remedy.
Laughter & Love.

You can never have too much laughter fill your soul and love surround and envelope you. It makes living life worth it. I for one am grateful that I have a roommate who can make me laugh so hard that I almost "pee my pants". Just yesterday a picture make me laugh so hard I cried! And lately I've been watching a show called Dr. Who and I'll tell you this, it is pure and genuine humor! I just love it.

As for "Love". Well, let's face it. I LOVE TO LOVE! I know some people believe that the more you say "I love you" the less it means. I am NOT one of those people. I believe that if you say it and you mean it, those words can change a person. Physically change them. It's like a band-aid to the scraped up soul. When someone tells me that they love me, and they mean it, I know that life is better just because I am loved. I never want anyone to ever question if I care about them or love them so I will always, ALWAYS, say it.

One of my favorite songs is "You Are Loved" by Josh Groban which you can listen to here.

Now for "Life"
Life is beautiful. It really truly is. I LOVE LIFE! Even the bumpy, scary, unhappy, painful parts. There is so much worth living for and there is so much to be seen!

"K" is for Kindness

2011-05-20T17:44:00.003-04:00

Everyday I wake up and say to myself, "Try a little harder to be a little kinder." It's kind of my mantra. I am grateful for the kindness that many others have shown me. Roommate, friends, teachers, parents, employees...the list of names is endless. But ultimately there is One above all else that has shown endless and everlasting kindness to me. He is my Savior and my Friend. I hope you know Him too.

"For his merciful kindness is great toward us: and the truth of the Lord endureth for ever. Praise ye the Lord."-Psalms 117:2

"J" is For...

2011-05-03T15:42:00.005-04:00

"J"

The illusive letter "J".

I've been stumped by this letter!

I seriously have tried to write a "J" gratitude blog multiple times and I've got NOTHING!

What am I grateful for that starts with "J" that isn't covered in another category?

But here are the things I love:
Julie-my sister.
Joy-the emotion.
Jelly Beans-but only the tropical Starburst flavored ones that only come out at Easter time.
Jovialness-the act of being jovial
Jane Seymour-in The Scarlet Pimpernel
Jennifer Love Hewitt-in Ghost Whisperer (I really like that show)
Jackson Emery-Um... HELLO BEAUTIFUL! Need I say more?

So, there isn't much there but it's all I got for now.

"Sick and Tired..."

2011-04-28T18:12:00.001-04:00

You hear that phrase a LOT. "I'm sick and tired of..." you fill in the blank. As for me? I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired...and in pain. For the last few months I've been suffering from pain in the upper right hand side of my abdomen. Right on my gallbladder. SO my doctor ordered an ultra sound for me. Great. But it wasn't so great to hear, when the ultra sound came back, that they couldn't find a reason for my pain. No gallstones. Which means I'm in pain with no answer as to why. That's the worst in my mind. Now, I've not been praying for gallstones, but at least gallstones would've been an answer. Now I'm left with nothing. I spoke with my doctor over the phone and she suggested I get what's called a HIDA scan. This is a little more in depth but can go further beneath the surface and reveal other things such as sludge or what my "ejection fraction" is. (An E.F. is how much bile your gallbladder ejects. Healthy is between 35%-75%.) I guess we'll see. The biggest bummer is that I have to wait until next Thursday at 7am to get the scan done. I'm trying hard to be patient and mature but all I want to do is cry. It's tough...playing the waiting game. But what doesn't kill ya, I suppose...

"I" is for Identity

2011-04-04T23:26:00.003-04:00

Me.

My name is Caitlin Eileen Andersen.

I am named after my great aunt Eileen.

My parents are Clayton and Bonnie Andersen.

I look a lot like my mother's biological mother, Lee, when she was younger.

I am mainly Danish and Irish.

I am 5'4", with reddish brown hair and brown eyes.

I am 21 years old.

I sing. I act. I manage theater stages.

I have a very special spot in my heart for children, animals, music and films-especially old ones.

I can relate to Jane Austen's heroines, Elizabeth Bennett and Elinor Dashwood.

I have poly cystic ovarian syndrome and gastro esophageal reflux disease.

I am not the girl I was two years ago.

I am strong, compassionate, sometimes impatient but always willing to learn more.

I can only snap with my thumb and pinky fingers.

I am can be classified with OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder)

much much different than OCD and because of it, I am detail oriented and organized.

I make "To Do" Lists on a daily basis.

I have color coordinated my closet and my class schedule.

I make my bed everyday.

I like to get dirty when I play sports.

I like to play sports and play them hard.

I love Italian & Mexican food.

I dislike Fish.

My favorite color is Purple.

I want to be as elegant as Audrey Hepburn, as flirty as Marilyn Monroe.

I want to be as brave as my Mom and as patient as my Dad.

I love to travel and if I had a million dollars it would be split between, paying for the rest of my college career, a shopping spree and traveling to all of the places that I have ever wanted to go.

All of these things add up to me. But I would be remiss if I were to leave out the most important part of my identity.

I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father.

He is a King.

Because of that, I am an heir to that same throne.

I am A Divine Princess of a Heavenly King.

He loves me and I love Him.

I am nothing if not for Him.

"H" is for Hugs. And Humor

2011-03-25T22:29:00.001-04:00

Have you ever just been sad or lonely and all you really wanted was a hug?

I'm a hugger. I love hugs. (Except for the awkward ones but even then I'll take it.)

Hugs in my mind can cure a lot. I love the feeling of someone just taking me in their arms to give me a big, loving hug. In my mind, there isn't a better way to show someone you love them, care about them and want them to feel wanted.

Humor is also another way that I feel loved.

Growing up, I had a very humorous family. I still do... Though sometimes it wasn't exactly what you wanted to hear, especially if you were mad, there were times when it just made life easier.

Currently I have a roommate who really knows how to make me laugh.

She's my best friend and she's taught me how to laugh when life just sucks.

I could expound but quite frankly I am buried in a to do list the length of me and just don't have the time. But I am grateful for hugs and humor.

"G" is for Google

2011-03-24T21:44:00.001-04:00

Insane?

Yes, I kind of am. But I LOVE GOOGLE.

Honestly!

There are so many times when I say,

"Hmm, what is the name of that song that I can only remember half of the chorus lyrics too?"

THEN BAM! A couple of keystrokes later I am not only given the title of the song but multiple youtube videos and such.

It's a beautiful thing Google.

In fact I use Google Chrome because the web address bar doubles as a Google search bar!

Isn't that BRILLIANT?

I can look up how to spell a word if my pathetic brain can't muster the energy to remember, I can look up the score of a game, I can look up my neighborhood in Kentucky while sitting on my couch in Provo. I can find recipes, blogs, crafts, documents, sales, shoes, clothes, cheap plane tickets, weather forecasts, shipping speeds and SO MUCH MORE! It's an endless pool of information and I can't get over how awesome it is.

Seriously, I think all technology is cool but Google is just plain amazing.

I've tried Bing.

I don't like Bing.

I'm a Google Girl...ALL THE WAY!

"F" is for Friends

2011-03-23T17:06:00.003-04:00

I have a lot of friends.

I consider myself to be a pretty friendly and outgoing person.

But I am grateful.

I have moved so many times

and have made a lot of friends over the years.

Some have stayed close.

Others, not so much.

If you're a friend of mine, and you know if you are, Thank you.

I hope you know I love you.

A lot.

"E" is for Electricity

2011-03-22T14:23:00.002-04:00

Today was the second day this semester that the power

to our apartment was GONE!

This time, we knew it was going to happen though.

Which is nice. But last time it was NOT expected. I never realized before how much I rely on electricity. It's kind of ridiculous.

I love electricity for the following reasons.

1-Our internet works.

Without electricity my computer can function for about an hour but there really isn't a point to be on my computer unless I'm doing homework which I turn in ONLINE!

2-I can take a shower and not be terrified of the dark.

3-I can apply my make up and get dressed and not realize only when I get to work that I look like a clown.

4-I can straighten, curl or blow dry my hair.

5-I can make toast for breakfast. (The toaster works.)

6-I can make oatmeal for breakfast. (The Microwave works.)

7-The heater/air conditioner works.

8-If it's night time I can actually see where I'm going.

9-It's not dark.

The list can go on and on but I think I'll spare everybody and just say that I am grateful for electricity. No questions asked.

Confession...

2011-03-21T17:59:00.002-04:00

I can't stop listening to TJ Fredette's music.

Really. I can't.

It's really good. :)

"D" is for Dreams

2011-03-21T11:03:00.006-04:00

I have dreams. I have always had BIG dreams.

(The "I've Got A Dream" Song from Tangled is now playing in my head...

And now "I Have A Dream" from Mamma Mia is there...

it's a weird combination of songs.)

When I was little I used to want to be an actress in Hollywood.

Then it was an actress on Broadway.

Then my dream job became: Director extraordinaire.

Hollywood or Broadway.

It didn't matter.

I'm in school now to become a Stage Manager. I'm absolutely in LOVE with my major

which is so great because I never thought I'd be able to

settle on anything I'd actually enjoy.

Although I love my major and plan to get a degree, and have loved how

my dreams have led me on to bigger and better dreams, and I know that

secretly I'll always wonder what it would be like to be

a famous actress in Hollywood,

I've realized what my true dream really is.

My true dream is this:

I want to be the best mother, wife, daughter, sister and friend as I can possibly be.

I know that might seem strange to a lot of people, especially nowadays, but

it's what I really, truly want.

"Mother":

Too many women in this day and age have no desire to be mothers.

This makes me so sad.

It makes me wonder if they really understand how unique and wonderful being a mother is.

Now, I'm not a mother. I'm not even a wife but I have a mother. I also have a sister who is a mother and I know that they would tell anyone the same thing:

Being a mother is one of the greatest gifts that God has given to women.

In my mind it is one of the most selfless things a woman can do in her lifetime.

When the time comes, I will be more than happy to become a mother.

"Wife":

Well, even though I feel as far from this as A is from Z

(no looping of the alphabet people)

I know it'll happen some day.

I can't wait to be so in love at the beginning that we don't care that we live in the smallest, dingiest apartment in town. I can't wait to be in love and realize that we should probably work as hard as we can to make ends meet. Honestly, I know love isn't a Fairytale.

I know that it's not all butterflies and lollipops.

And honestly, I can't wait for the reality of love.

Plenty of people tell me that marriage is hard, love is hard, love is disappointing.
(Honestly, it drives me nuts when they do because when they do they're trying to discourage me from wanting this dream.) BUT this is my philosophy:

Love is easy. Marriage is easy. WE complicate it by being selfish, uncommunicative and impatient. Love cannot disappoint us, only we can disappoint love.

"Daughter":

Well, let's face it. I was not the best daughter for my parents but I know

that I've grown up. A lot. I don't think this one needs a whole lot of explanation.

"Sister":

I have five sisters, and last night I was able to have dinner with two of them.

After dinner we reminisced about the "good ol' days". How we fought,

how we laughed, how we were raised, how we teased, etc.

Though I've realized it way before last night, something about our conversation hit me in

a way that it had never it me before.

I have not always tried my hardest to be a good sister.

I know how to push your buttons and I can be a Bratty McBrat Face.

But I still love my sisters, even when I don't feel like they care about me.

But we all have bad days, no?

Eventually, hopefully sooner rather than later, I hope to be able to

be the best sister that I possibly can be.

"Friend":

Ok. This is the hardest one of all. Why? Because it is a constant struggle.

I get impatient. I get emotional. I distance myself. And then at the end of the day, I'm just a normal person. I love to love people. Really, I do. But on the reverse side of that it's easy for me to dismiss someone if they seem to have no interest in being my friend. It's bad, I know, but I'm working on myself. The person I am now is much different than the person I was two years ago. I'm proud of myself for that but I still have to work on being much better.

I have a long way to go before I am a candidate for the "Best Friend of the Year" award.

Anyway, I know that these are "goals" and not necessarily "dreams" but to me I think they're the same thing, after all they serve the same purpose!

I hope all of you can find your dream today. Dreams are great!

"C" is for Choice

2011-03-20T14:28:00.007-04:00

Because of my religion,

many people are under the impression that I am made to do certain things.

They think that I am not allowed to drink. Not allowed to smoke.

Not allowed to partake in pre-marital sex. Not allowed to wear sleeveless dresses.

Not allowed to swear. Etc, etc.

This is false.

I have the choice.

I choose to not partake in these things.

I chose not to drink, smoke, have sex before marriage,

wear sleeveless dresses and whatever else you may think of.

It is a fundamental belief of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints that the Atonement, when Jesus Christ suffered in Gethsemane and again on the cross, allows us to chose. It was Jesus Christ who presented the plan that we would be able to come to this earth and chose between right and wrong. We are not made to do anything.

I love that I get to chose.

I get to chose what school I go to, what I wear, what I eat, who my friends are,

what church I attend, if I even want to attend church,

what advice I take, what classes I take, etc.

I have never in my life been made to do anything.

Even as a little girl my parents never made me attend church.

I knew they'd be disappointed if I didn't go but I still had a choice. And I chose to go.

I chose to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

How did I choose?

I prayed to know if it was true.

I studied, and continue to study, the Bible and Book of Mormon. I attended, and continue to attend, church every Sunday for three hours. I am grateful that I have been given the choice to serve the Lord.

Can you imagine a life where you got to chose nothing?

You were simply made to follow a certain religious or political leader, no exceptions.

Can you fathom how awful that would be?

Think of how many choices, no matter the size, that you make every day.

How about every week? How about every year?

It's a lot, huh?

And the beauty of it all is that YOU get to chose.

In a General Conference talk given by Elder Dallin H. Oaks in October of 2007, he said,

"As we consider various choices, we should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best. Even though a particular choice is more costly, its far greater value may make it the best choice of all."

Good. Better. Best.

Sometimes the choices we should make in our lives do not simply come down to good or bad. Sometimes it is between good, better and best.

In my life, those have been the hardest choices to make BUT at least I know that I can make them without be made to chose one way over the next.

Jesus Christ suffered.

He suffered for you and He suffered for me.

He was beaten, spit upon and nailed to a cross where He died

so that you and I might live.

"Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes was are healed." -Isaiah 53 4&5

All of those things He did willingly.

He chose to lay down his life for us. All of us.

Even those who chose not to accept his Atonement.

He loves all of us and is willing to welcome anyone who comes unto Him.

I am so grateful that I have choices but the choice I'm most grateful for is the one that we all have to come unto Christ and continue to come unto Him. No one is too far gone. Choose to come home to Him and He will open His arms and welcome you back. I know that's true. I hope and pray that you'll choose to come home. He's waiting for you.

"B" is for Basketball

2011-03-19T02:13:00.000-04:00

I love basketball.

It's really the only sport that I feel confident enough to play on a team.

I played at the YMCA and I played church basketball.

I don't play much basketball now except for the occasional intramural games here on campus but let me tell you this: any chance I get, I take!

BUT aside from my love of playing the sport (not exceptionally well, but well enough, mind you,) BYU has a KICKIN' team this year.

Jimmer.

Emery.

Abouo.

Hartsock.

Seriously, those names send CHILLS down my spine. I honestly can't get enough of these boys. Jimmer with his INSANE ppg, Emery with his criminal steals, Abouo with his come-out-of-nowhere dunks and Hartsock with his "And-you-didn't-think-I-could-make-it-from-here-did-you-shots. (Plus he blocks so many shots with his massively TALL body...seesh!)

I mean, if you haven't seen these boys in action-WATCH THEM! They're CrAzY good!

My love for my Cougars even took me to Las Vegas this year to see them play in the tournament. While they didn't win in the Champ. game against SDSU (barf) they DID beat UNM for the first time this season and it was BEAUTIFUL!

So, what do I do now that the tourney is over?? Two words:

MARCH MADNESS!

I've been infected. Forget "Bieber Fever" or what ever the crazy that is! I have MADNESS MEASLES! You betcha! Bracket filled out and everything.

It's actually really nice. March Madness is the ONLY thing that gets me through March.

Seriously.

"A"ttitude of Understanding

2011-03-18T12:35:00.006-04:00

"A" is for Attitude.

What?

Well, let me explain.

I work in an office and while I have a plethora of jobs to fulfill but one of the biggest things I have to deal with is unhappy customers. Customer service is a tricky thing and let me tell you now, the customer is NOT always right. In fact, they are usually wrong.

Okay, maybe not usually but they are wrong more often than not.

Anyway, I'm really grateful for those people who call in and are frustrated, or upset, or any number of things that usually make people unpleasant, but they keep their cool. They realize that it isn't our fault that the USPS lost their mail. They don't yell and curse at you.

They simply have an attitude of understanding.

Aside from work there are other times where other's attitude of understanding has effected me so much. I often run into things that frustrate or upset me, as I think everyone does. BUT there are people in my life who just know how to understand me.

All they have to do is look at me to understand that even though I put on a brave face

I'm not always brave.

They can look at my face and understand the confusion and pain I'm experiencing.

No words. No tears. No questions...nothing!

They just sit with me. Play basketball with me. Joke with me. They give me a hug. They cheer me up without trying to cheer me up.

They understand.

Because I know that those friends and family members understand,

though perhaps imperfectly,

I know that My Lord and Savior understands perfectly.

Nothing that I will ever go through will not be perfectly understood by Jesus Christ who died for me.

So "A" is for Attitude.

ABCs of Gratitude

2011-03-17T21:20:00.002-04:00

I'm going to do a project here. Each day I'm going to give one thing that I'm grateful for. Each day will have a new letter to correspond with the alphabet. This will start tomorrow. I'm kind of excited!

Tonight...

2011-03-11T23:46:00.004-05:00

SOMEBODY got JIMMERED!

UNM, never underestimate the power of a Cougar'd out arena and a JIMMER! (As well as the FABULOUS team that stand beside him!)

Sneak Peek to my Weekend...

2011-03-10T13:16:00.004-05:00

This:

Plus This:

Equals...

Well, I'll keep you posted!

RAWR!

Back To December

2011-03-01T23:28:00.003-05:00

So I know that Taylor Swift wrote this song but this is the exact "something" that I would like to say to an old friend whom I hope has forgiven me. Sometimes in life you realize that you've made a mistake and the only thing to do is keep moving forward. I just hope that my ending is a little bit happier than what I think it is most likely to be.

"That waiter and I keep making eye contact..."

2011-02-19T19:50:00.004-05:00

Only my best friend Erin would be so forward as to play "catch eye" with the gorgeous waiter at Chili's last night. It was actually really funny. And he was GORGEOUS! Anyway, we went to Chili's to celebrate my birthday.

I know what you're thinking, "Didn't you already have a week dedicated to your birthday this year?" The answer is...YES! BUT Erin, my best friend from home

wanted to take me to dinner because we didn't get a chance to celebrate my birthday together

on my actual birthday.

It was fabulous.

Breaking up is...EASY!

2011-02-17T11:41:00.003-05:00

Logically, I guess I should be more upset. But I'm not. Well, not angry that my iPod died that is. Angry with Apple Inc. for making crappy crap and charging a fortune for it? Yes. Angry that iTunes consistently froze my computer? Yes. But ALL of this has been remedied. It's all in the past and I have moved on. You see, Since Christmas, my iPod has been acting up-not going to the menu, not turning off, turning back on all on its own after being turned off, not charging all the way after 24 hours on the charger... it's just not working between me and Apple. I used a Mac for work for about a week and I was hopelessly confused and hated the layout. All in all, I have decided to break-up with Apple. Now, keep in mind that I have tried multiple times to fix our frazzled relationship but it's not going to happen and I have accepted that. In fact, I have a new love...well, really it's an old friend who my eyes have been opened to. His name? Microsoft. Thank the heavens above that Microsoft is in my life!

Apple may work for you, and that's wonderful but we just couldn't make it work. To all you Macs out there, I hope that your relationship with Apple proves fruitful (pardon the pun) and I hope you get the fairytale you've dreamed of. Don't hate me but I'm a PC and my new main squeeze is Microsoft. I am just sorry that I didn't realize it until now.

The Week That Was My Birthday

2011-02-13T12:39:00.020-05:00

Doesn't make much sense I know but let me explain. I got to celebrate my birthday for almost an entire week! It was great! So, I'll start at the beginning.

Saturday: (2 Days before the BIG day) Feb. 5th 2011
A small group of friends came with me to RED ROBIN (Yum)and we had dinner.It made me really happy.

After dinner we played a variety of games in which Justin and I were assumed to be married, or apt to run off with one another. That made me laugh.

Sunday: (1 Day until B-Day)

Church! Just church. I love church!

Plus, that particular day was Rockin' AWESOME because of everyone and their beautiful testimonies.

That night Justin and Steve read all of their Church History notes to anyone in their apartment so that they'd be prepared for their test. It was quite interesting.

Monday: HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

It was really a normal day...really. I went to work and then to class.

In my New Testament class they sang happy birthday to me...it was SAWEET!

Then I went home and piddled around doing nothing. That. Was. Beautiful.

That night Andy and I went to The Olive Garden. Before we went to see

TANGLED!!!!, we had some time to kill so we went shopping at Seagull bookstore. I bought a few cute things on sale...it was fun!

Then we went to the movie. I LOVE TANGLED!

It was the fourth time I had seen it and it was just as good as the first time!

I've decided to buy it when it comes out-as a belated birthday present to myself of course...

It was actually really cool because we had desert left over from dinner (raspberry marble cheesecake!)

and we ate it in the theater. I know, I know, I'm SUCH a rebel.

But we also had the theater to ourselves and so I sang along to the movie

(Andy is a good person to sit through a movie he's never seen while the CrAzY girl next to him sings all the songs.)

It was late by the time I got home but I was a happy camper. :)

Tuesday:

I was sick. But I was okay with that because I slept all day long. It was HEAVEN!

Wednesday:

Four Words...Divine Comedy TECH SHOW!!!

It was FREE. It was HILARIOUS. And I am still in love with Jason.

He's just so freakin' FUNNY! What am I saying? They're ALL so freakin' FUNNY!

Thursday:

The Ballet!

BYU's Ballet Company and BYU's Philharmonic performed... *drum roll please*...

CINDERELLA!

It was really good! And to make it even better my sisters, Julie and Kimberly went with me!

AND an old friend Nathaniel, who we met on the base when we lived in Portugal, came too!

It was a fun night.

After the ballet we went to Baskin Robins and bought an ice cream cake. (YUMMO!)

We took it to Julie's apartment and ate and talked about the good old days.

Friday:

Firstly, because BYU Men's Basketball kicks SERIOUS trash this year Friday was a spirit day.

AKA-Jeans Day. Which means I also got to wear my BYU Basketball t-shirt!

No dressy casual clothes for me! YAY!

Needless to say, I was happy.

That night was just a movie night.

We watched "Horton Hears A Who"

and ate homemade chocolate chip cookies (made by yours truly). It was a cute movie. I had

never had the desire to see it and while it pales in comparison to my love for Tangled, it was a cute and entertaining movie.

Saturday:

Well, Karlan, lovely, wonderful Karlan, took me to breakfast at Magleby's Fresh.

We both had french toast and it was divine!

I had nothing planned for the rest of the day except for watching the BYU game.

BYU vs. Utah

Let me tell you what...We told Utah where they can go...HOME!

The team pulled through AGAIN making me fall even more in love with Jimmer Fredette. (Disclaimer-I may LOVE Jimmer but I am IN LOVE with Tyler Haws who is currently on a mission...there is just something about a tall, blond guy with really muscular arms...*sigh)

What I Would Like From The Birthday Fairy

2011-02-04T17:15:00.002-05:00

1.Inception

2. Reba (Seasons 1-4)

3. A Zune

4. A trip to Ireland

5. A Day at the Spa

6. An Emerson Compact Fridge w/Freezer

7. A Flip UltraHD Video Camera

8. A Cookbook with lots of EASY and FAST and HEALTHY recipes.

9. The Star Wars Trilogy on DVD (IV-VI.)

10. Lots of hugs. I LOVE HUGS!

Lemons

2011-02-01T23:22:00.002-05:00

Lately, I have felt that life has unloaded a truck of lemons at my front door and all of my attempts to make lemonade have been in vain. But I realized something. I don't like lemonade but if you mix some mangoes in there it becomes a fiesta! I love Mango Lemonade...a whole stinkin' lot!

Let me explain the parallel: Life. Lemons=things that happen in life that stink. Lemonade= Looking on the bright side of things and making those stinky things better. Mangoes=The things that you already have in life, (friends, the Gospel, family, talents) that you bring to the lemons. BANG! Mango Lemonade.

I know that though things (Au Pairing in Ireland, etc) don't always work out and that disappointment is a part of life, none of that means that life can't be happy. In my New Testament class we've been talking A LOT about Paul and his faith. He never hesitated when the Lord asked him to do something and let me tell you, Paul went through some crazy disappointing stuff. But he was still happy and he still had unwavering faith.

I know that we chose our attitude and that we can be happy even through disappointments. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I know that with all of my heart.

Wouldn't You Like To Know...

2011-01-04T18:15:00.002-05:00

I can't hold it in anymore folks, I just can't! I am planning on being an Au Pair starting this summer.

Definition: An Au Pair is a foreign-national domestic assistant working for, and living as part of, a host family. Typically, au pairs take on a share of the family's responsibility for childcare as well as some housework, and receive a small monetary allowance for personal use.

I am in negotiations with 3 families. 1-In Ireland, 2-In England, 3-In Italy (Venice to be exact).

I'm weighing my options but to be honest my favorite pick would be Ireland. Second would be the Venice family and 3rd, well, the British family. They all seem like wonderful people (so far-I've been e-mailing all of them for a few days) and I'm excited to take a new, more risky step in my life.

I'll keep you posted. ;)

Life is....a risk.

2011-01-01T20:58:00.002-05:00

Lately I've been wondering, "What am I doing here?" No, not here on earth but here at school. Getting a degree? Maintaining a social life? Learning how to be an adult? Sure. All of those things are valid but there's just one problem. I feel like a dog chasing her tail. I don't feel like I'm making any progression towards...anything. So, I did the unexpected and took a risk. I won't divulge the details but I'm excited and I'll keep you posted but just know, all of you anonymous readers, the following picture is a clue. Happy guessing!

Yeah. This Happened.

2010-12-29T23:31:00.001-05:00

This is what happened:
I handed Lady a form-with my left hand (she walked into the office instead of going to the window-which is what you're supposed to do...)
Lady: Oh honey, how old are you? (Her kids-oldest is probably 13-SCREAMING about wanting candy....uhg)
Me: (hesitantly) 20
Lady: Oh. And...and you're not married I see. Not even engaged?
Me: No, I have a lot more of the world I want to see before I settle down.
Lady: Oh, well, honey, you know, 20 is a little too old to be single! And no children I presume?
Me: (in utter disbelief at her audacity-if she said honey one more time I was gonna pop her, yet still trying to be polite) No. I'm not married, ergo no kids. *Smile*
Lady: Well, don't wait too long, honey, you probably don't have many child bearing years left in you.
Me: How old were you when you had your first? (Me-scowling at wailing 13 year old)
Lady: Older than you but I regret it, honey.
Me: (HONEY? I'm NOT HONEY!) Well, I guess one should preach what they practice and vise versa, no? Thanks for coming in, have a nice day! *Smile* (The fake, I'm gonna kick your sorry face in kind of smile)
Exeunt Lady and obnoxious children.

Oi vei.

Cheeseburgers, Mass and Bunny Rabbits

2010-12-25T23:49:00.004-05:00

Christmas is a time in our family where most of our traditions lie.

This year I wasn't able to go home to Kentucky but I did spend time with family.

Friday: Julie and I went to Julie's boyfriend's parent's house so that the two of them could exchange gifts. It was rather cute.
Then Julie and I got back in the car and drove to Kimberly's house.
We kind of just lounged for a bit but after a few minutes we left for Salt Lake City's Church of the Madeline. We went to Mass. Yup, three Mormon girls went to Vigil on Friday night at a Catholic church. It was really cool.
I've never been to Mass before and while it was definitely different, I'm glad I got to go.
I think everyone should learn and be open minded to other cultures (including religion) because it can help us understand one another.

Anyway, when we got back, we had cheeseburgers. It's a tradition in our family to eat cheeseburgers on Christmas eve and I LOVE IT! It's basically my favorite family tradition.
After that it was pretty late so, after chatting and eating dessert, we went to bed.

Saturday: CHRISTMAS!
I made Swedish pancakes...YUM. We opened our packages (1 for each of us) and then we just kind of hung out around the house. I took Mr. Charlie Bunny for a walk. Charlie is Julie's very fluffy, very cute bunny. I took him out on his leash and he kind of hopped around and ate grass, and I just stood there, but for a bunny I consider that a walk.
After that, Julie's boyfriend came up and the four of us went to see Tangled.
Cutest. Movie. EVER!
I saw it over Thanksgiving break but I was more than excited to see it again.
IT'S SO BLASTED CUTE!
If you haven't seen it, GO! Go today! Go see it! Even the guys like it!
After stuffing ourselves with popcorn and soda we went home and again, just sat around. Which is just fine. It was relaxing. But THEN we all got hungry and decided that going to Buca di Beppo for dinner was a good idea. So we went and ate yummy Italian food.
After we got back, we watched Elf and ate cheesecake. That cheesecake was DIVINE! UH! So yummy and I have to admit that Elf got better this time around. I didn't use to like it but it wasn't bad at all.

Anyway, that night I got home and Santa had come to visit me! (Thanks Megan ;D) It was the sweetest gesture and it made me feel better about not "going home" for Christmas.

Over all I had a pretty good Christmas weekend. It was nice to have a break.

Dear Santa...

2010-12-08T11:07:00.012-05:00

Or anyone else who is wondering, "Hmm, what can I get Caitlin for Christmas?"
NEVER FEAR!

I have made a list for you, dear. Pictures and all.

1. Inception

Need I say more? This movie was a mind boggleing, action-packed, dynamite filled film (literally)! I loved every second of it. I saw it three times in theaters and I wrote my final paper for my film class on it. Christopher Nolan is a genious and the cast is absolutely brilliant! It's fabulous and I would LOVE IT for Christmas.

2. A Zebra Snuggie

I love zebra print and who doesn't want a snuggie? C'mon!

3. Windows 7 ($75-BYU Student discount)

My PC is currently running on Vista. (Gross.) Vista uses so much ram and is as slow as molasses! I can't help that I want my computer to run as smoothly as the day I bought it! When it takes ten minutes for Word to open up...well by that point I've already fallen asleep. Vista is just stinky and Windows 7 would make my life easier. The end.

4. Snow Pants ($30ish)

No, not fancy, expensive ski pants, don't misunderstand me now. I would love to have a pair or snow pants to wear out in the snow. Playing in the snow is fabulous. Getting wet and being cold from the snow (in regular clothes) is kind of miserable. I live in Utah people, greatest snow on earth! I don't think it's so silly to ask for snow pants, do you? A pic can be found here.

5. Various Movies

Now I know I already asked for Inception but movies are kind of a hobby of mine. I love watching them and analyzing them...even the kiddie ones! SO here is a list (in order of preference) of movies I would like to one day own:

Stars Wars Trilogy (The Original Ones)

Jane Eyre (This version)

Little Dorrit (This version)

Meet the Robinsons

The Great Mouse Detective

Emma (This version)

North & South (This version)

Any of the Seasons of Reba! (I just LOVE her!)

Miss Congeniality 1&2 (Double Feature)

Mansfield Park (This version)

Northanger Abbey (This version)

The Blind Side

Barbie in A Christmas Carol

Barbie in The 12 Dancing Princesses

*Best place to find the lowest prices on these movies are http://www.amazon.com/

6. Various Books
Yeah, another hobby, reading books! YAY!

The Night Dance

Snow

Water Song

The Crimson Thread

Midnight Pearls

The Diamond Secret

The World Above

Violet Eyes

Austenland

Again, Amazon has the best deals for these books...that I'm aware of.

7. Headphones

Why? Because only one of the earbuds on my headphones actually works. And by "works" I mean, you can tell that there is music playing but it's all fuzzy and static-y. These would work perfectly!

Anyway, these are just things I would like to have. If I don't get them as a present (namely the headphones and Windows 7) I'll be saving up to buy them myself. So, there you go! I think I gave you enough to chose from, no? ;D

Macbeth: Revenge of Macduff (Act 4 Scene 3)

2010-12-01T13:30:00.000-05:00

My Project for my Shakespeare class...did you like it?

Miss Muffet Revisited

2010-11-26T21:26:00.002-05:00

Little Miss Muffet

Stood in the shower

Washing the dirt away.

Along came a spider

and plopped down beside her

and frightened Miss Muffet away.

But Little Miss Muffet

Who was enjoying her shower

said, " No sir! Not today!"

So Little Miss Muffet went back to the shower

and frightened that spider away.

What's The Name Of The Game?

2010-11-23T11:37:00.002-05:00

This song has been stuck in my head for the last three days and honestly, I can't get ENOUGH!

ABBA rocks.

You can listen to ABBA's version here

Amanda Seyfried (from the Movie Mamma Mia)

here.

It's just so GOOD!

Giving Thanks

2010-11-23T01:40:00.006-05:00

Some people I know have told me that it's sad that I can't go home for Thanksgiving.

I am sad that I don't get to see my blood family until next June, yes,
BUT

I get to see these guys:My Best Friends.
They are as close to family as I am going to have this Thanksgiving and I'm alright with that.
I mean, we're pretty much sisters anyway.

We're kind of attractive. Not gonna lie.

Is It Possible?

2010-11-14T19:15:00.002-05:00

Is it possible that instead of liking this

I hate it?
It is really likely that liking isn't like me at all?
What is "liking" anyway?
And why, WHY does the whole of mankind
seem to shy away from liking?
I like you.
You like me.
That's how people make friends.
This "liking" thing.
That doesn't mean that we're meant to be attached

at the hip until we die.
I may take a different approach to
liking
than you do.
But don't flatter yourself
in thinking that I
am dependent on you for any kind of happiness.
I depend on myself for that,
thank you very much.
Yes, it's true
I'm a little goofy,
flirty,
outgoing
(heaven forbid)
around you.
Don't think that that is me
trying to get you to fall in love with me.
I don't expect you to.
I'm not some crazy colored
bird from the Amazon
who is dancing around trying to
get you to notice me.
If you like me, fine.
If you notice me, even better.
But nothing I do is for you.
It's for me.
So that I can feel better.

What's sad is that for once I was happy just being liked. I was happy being myself and not having to worry that you would think that I was in love with you.
Guess I was wrong.
Again.

Some More Health Updates

2010-11-12T17:16:00.002-05:00

First, I want everyone who reads this to know how grateful I am for my Heavenly Father.
I can't express deeply enough how much I know he loves me and protects me.
I think that is important to establish.

Yesterday I went to the hospital to have an EGD done. An EGD (esophagogastroduodenoscopy) is a diagnostic endoscopic procedure that visualizes the upper part of the gastrointestinal tract up to the duodeum (first section of the small intestine). I went in for this procedure because I've been dealing with heartburn for over a year and a half. My doctor thought it would be smart to do.

Good thing my doctor is smart.
During the EDG, they found some suspicious tissue on my esophagus. They biopsied it and, though I do not have any results and won't until next Thursday, the doctors believe that I have what is called GERD which can lead to Barret's Esophagus.

GERD
is a chronic regurgitation of acid from the stomach into the lower esophagus.
(This is not a good thing for your esophagus)

If it is just GERD, it can be resolved with frequent EGDs, to monitor any esophagal changes, and a medication used for Acid reflux/heartburn. Currently I am taking Nexium.

Barrett's Esophagus
Barrett's esophagus is a condition in which the color and composition of the cells lining your lower esophagus change, usually because of repeated exposure to stomach acid.

Barrett's esophagus is most often diagnosed in people who have long-term gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) — a chronic regurgitation of acid from the stomach into the lower esophagus. Only a small percentage of people with GERD will develop Barrett's esophagus.

A diagnosis of Barrett's esophagus can be concerning because it increases the risk of developing esophageal cancer. Although the risk of esophageal cancer is small, monitoring and treatment of Barrett's esophagus focuses on periodic exams to find precancerous esophagus cells. If precancerous cells are discovered, they can be treated to prevent esophageal cancer.

Treatment

Treatment options for Barrett's esophagus depend on the grade of changes in the cells of your esophagus, your overall health and your own preferences. If you would like to see a breakdown of the treatments please click HERE.

As for my own mental sanity dealing with all of this, I'm fine. I really truly am. It could be worse but it isn't. According to the surgeon, it was good that I went in when I did. The earlier these things are found, the better chance I have of getting it taken care of.

I've been very blessed by the Lord and for that I am more grateful than I can say.

Tomorrow

2010-11-10T17:32:00.002-05:00

There is a song in Annie called Tomorrow. It goes as follows:

"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow."

Well, I have mixed feelings about tomorrow. You see, tomorrow I am
getting what is called an E GD.

Yeah.

This should be fun!

PCOS

2010-11-03T23:39:00.006-04:00

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome-This is what I have.

CAUSES:

Polycystic ovary disease affects hormone cycles. Hormones help regulate the normal development of eggs in the ovaries. It is not completely understood why or how hormone cycles are interrupted, although there are several ideas.

Follicles are sacs within the ovaries that contain eggs. In polycystic ovary disease, there are many poorly developed follicles in the ovaries. The eggs in these follicles do not mature and, therefore, cannot be released from the ovaries. Instead, they form cysts in the ovary.

This can contribute to infertility. The immature follicles and the inability to release an egg (ovulate) are likely caused by low levels of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), and higher than normal levels of male hormones (androgens) produced in the ovary.

Women are usually diagnosed when in their 20s or 30s. Women with this disorder often have a mother or sister who has symptoms similar to polycystic ovary disease.

*With this there are similar symptoms of type 2 Diabetes. I DO NOT have type 2 diabetes but I am at a higher risk for it and breast and endometrial cancer.

Currently my doctor (who is fabulous) is treating it with Metformin. This is due to the fact that my insulin (which I am not intolerant of just resistant to) doesn't know exactly what to do with the sugar that is produced by my liver. Because of this I have High Blood Pressure and my body stores the sugar as fat. Preventing me from losing weight. But there is a way around this! (Please see below)

Metformin: is an oral anti-biotic drug. It is the first-line drug of choice for the treatment of type 2 diabetes. It is also used in the treatment of PCOS and has been investigated for other diseases where insulin resistance may be an important factor.

Metformin will now tell my insulin that it's okay to do its thing. It assists in helping insulin do its job. This will result in me being able to lose weight, process food like a normal person and help me fight off getting Type 2 diabetes. Losing weight is a key part of my health right now and Metformin (NOT a weight loss drug) helps my body to let go instead of hold on. By losing weight other aspects of my health can start to realign themselves so that I can start being more "normal". It's a process but it's something and I am excited to get started.

If you have any questions, please feel free to post the questions in a comment or if we're Facebook friends and you don't feel comfortable asking a question for the world to see, send me a message. I'm more than happy to answer ANY questions.

Crazy Little Thing Called...

2010-11-02T10:57:00.006-04:00

There is this little feeling

that is infecting my apartment.

It's like a disease that you actually WANT to have!

It tickles sometimes.

It makes you want to giggle.

When you've been infected,

you can't help but smile

Every second of the day! All day long!

Once it has you

you can't help but listen

to cheesy

love songs by artists like

Colbie Caillat , Dashboard Confessional & David Archuleta

and dance around the living room

in the cutest clothes

you own

(Just in case *someone*drops by randomly)

*Sigh*

Happy.

Happy!

It's a great way to feel.

I really like this little bug.

Today...

2010-10-25T19:52:00.002-04:00

What happened today? Well, I woke up, went to work, went to school, went back to work, went to my voice lesson, went home. Then I did my laundry, cleaned my room, 1/2 cleaned the kitchen and took a nap. Now? Now, I'm writing a blog and procrastinating doing my reading for my Film class. I love the class I just hate reading but hey, at least it is interesting right? If you really want to know the point, I will tell you. It is this:

I am alive.

I'm not dead. I'm not so weighed down that I can't smile or laugh or be friendly. I have good things going for me and while I may have to work for them, I do indeed have them. I have a loving family, loving roommates, a bed, clothes, food, an education, an opportunity for an education and much more. I'm really grateful for all of it and I promise to make each day better than the last. No matter what.

Sesame Street-This made me smile. ENJOY!

2010-10-14T16:02:00.000-04:00

For Alisa

2010-10-04T18:27:00.003-04:00

Alisa is one of my best friends and she needed help with a school assignment. She wrote this book review and asked me to publish it on my blog. I am more than happy to share this with all of you! Please read it and post a comment. Tell us what you think!

Dust by Arthur Slade

Dust is a novel that takes place in the 1930s during the Dust Bowl in a small town in Canada called Horshoe. The story begins with a seven-year-old boy named Matthew walking to town alone. He accepts a ride from a mysterious stranger and is ultimately kidnapped. His older brother Robert, the protagonist of the story, and his parents are frantic and overcome with grief of their missing son. A few days after the disappearance, a man comes to town claiming he can control the weather; the town must simply work together to build a rain mill. The adults excitedly sign up and begin work on the mill and in due course start to forget everything. Robert’s parents even forget about the disappearance of Matthew. Robert is the only one who remembers his brother and begins to be concerned about the strange nature of so many of the town folk. Near the end of the novel, he puts the pieces together and discovers the incredible secret the man is hiding and only he can put a stop to it.

This story initially appealed to me because of the time period; I love fictional novels that discuss the Great Depression and the Dust Bowl because it addresses historical events in conjunction with fictional characters and plots. Generally during this time in history, novels will center on a developmental protagonist that changes and molds into a great man or woman based on their experiences. Robert, the main character of Dust, undergoes an extreme change: child to adult. In the beginning of the novel, the reader is given an image of Robert in bed reading a science fiction book and imagining he is on a foreign planet. As the story progresses, he slowly begins to transform. Because of the negligent and dreamy-minded adults, he feels like he is the only one who has his mind in the right place. It’s almost as if the adults have become children, so focused on one thing, the rain mill, and Robert is noticing the big picture and how it is affecting many lives.

The novel has a supernatural twist despite the familiar time period. Upon learning this, I was slightly skeptic since my original expectations of a historical fiction novel would not be completely accurate. However, I was pleasantly surprised with the way Arthur Slade mixed the Dust Bowl with the unique idea of a rain mill. The mysterious man who came into town seemed to put an enchantment over the town simply by saying he knew how to bring rain into the dry town. Many of the adults act curiously which makes Robert uneasy about the man and his intentions.

Overall it was a very good novel; it had a simple plot line and was a pleasant read. Dust had a way of captivating its audience simply because of its unique idea. Arthur Slade’s writing is creative and skillful and at times eerie as he embellishes the mysterious happenings of Horshoe

3out of 4 Stars

-Alisa Day

Latter-Day Sounds

2010-09-27T16:36:00.002-04:00

So I'm in a Community Choir called Latter-Day Sounds.

It . Is. AMAZING.

I haven't been in a choir so legit since high school and I'm very excited about it. I'm singing alto which is perfect because I can get back into the swing of really reading music again!
HOORAY!
But really, I'm very excited. Heather, the director, is brilliant and I'm
loving the Christmas music that we're singing right now.
I'm also very excited for our performance.
It's going to be in December and I can't help reminiscing about my high school Christmas Choir concerts. I seriously can't wait.
I definitely needed this!

Healthy is Beautiful

2010-09-22T17:28:00.010-04:00

I've started to be careful about what I eat.
Granted, that doesn't mean I don't tend to snack on my favorite "junk foods" from time to time. But here are a few things that I like to eat that I feel are benefiting my health...

Pears and Cottage Cheese
Whole Grain/Wheat Bread vs. White Bread
White Nectarines. Yes, they are the best things EVER!
SHRIMP! Just about the only seafood I'll eat.
Asparagus. Or as I like to call it "Gussy"

NANERS! Yum. These yellow yummies are fabulous
for getting all the potassium I need!
Baby Carrots. Yum. Yum. Yum.

These are just some of my favorites but I have many things I like to eat. In fact, I'm going to the store soon to buy some more fruit! YAY!

Searching

2010-09-09T00:00:00.002-04:00

I had a dream
Once upon a time
That I was searching
Not knowing what I'd find.
I looked up high
I looked down low
I look for answers
Only finding "no".
Frustrated, confused
angry and hurt,
My senses were numbed
I was far from alert.
The darkness was pressing
so hard on my chest
These words kept repeating
"You are not the best."
I cried and I shuddered
At all of the pain
I didn't know if I'd have
the strength to stand again.
But down on my knees,
I was keenly aware
of a feeling, of this something
that would make life fair.
Already positioned
I steadied my mind
and readied my mouth
for the words I had to find.
My soul spoke a prayer
to the Lord up above
And immediately
I was filled with his love.
He told me to pause
He told me to wait
He told me that soon enough
I would meet with fate.
With his gentle kindness
and eternal plan
I knew without doubting
I was in His hands.
I stood up at last
Just to turn and see
a poor stranger struggling,
struggling like me.
I ran to him, met him
and with open arms
I told him that he too
could overcome all his harms.
Just pray my dear friend
and soon you will find
that God's love is endless
it's selfless and kind.
So next time you falter,
while searching high and low,
remember your Savior
and the way to you He will show.

Sometimes

2010-09-06T22:10:00.003-04:00

Sometimes you need a little kick in the pants in order for your homework to get done.
Sometimes you need a little push to do your laundry and clean the bathroom.
Sometimes you need a little R & R to make all the craziness worth while.
Sometimes you need to push yourself to make that extra mile.
Sometimes you need a hug.
Sometimes you want to scream.
Sometimes you want to laugh so hard, you cry.
Sometimes you wonder why you are where you are.
Sometimes you wonder if you'll ever find someone to share your happiness with.
Sometimes you feel pretty.
Sometimes you don't.
Sometimes you're homesick.
Sometimes you are stir crazy.
Sometimes you succeed.
Sometimes you fail.
Sometimes you cry.
Sometimes you're afraid.
Sometimes you're fearless.
Sometimes you remember...
"God loves me...Always."

I've Been Thinking

2010-08-28T20:12:00.007-04:00

About the following:

1. School starting on Monday
2. New roomies/classmates

3. Work out regimes and my new bike
4. These places

Here's The Thing.

2010-08-18T10:49:00.002-04:00

I am not a shy person. So when someone asks, "Hey Caitlin, would you like to get to know... this person is pretty interested in it, would you like to give it a shot?" My response is "Couldn't hurt right? One more friend never killed anyone." (Unless you're Caesar/Brutus but that is not this case...) What stinks about this little situation is that the other person decided that based on my age, and my age alone, I am not fit to be numbered among his friends. Barf. First of all, I am a firm believer that age alone does not define the maturity, responsibility or intelligence of a person. I've known many a 30+ year old who still lives in their parent's house, plays video games all day long and cracks under the pressure of any responsibility given to them. Granted I also know many 20 year olds who can't handle responsibility either. However, I'm not going to hide the fact that I can in fact handle responsibility. I moved-literally moved-across the country to a new state where it's difficult for me to just turn around and go home for the weekend or the summer. I have flown the nest (which doesn't mean I don't want to visit sometimes) and I don't ever plan on moving back in. I have a job, I have to pay for my own tuition, food, clothes, bills! Don't insult me by treating me as if I can't handle being mature or responsible because the second you overlook how awesome a person is, you lose. Not me.

I don't need this person in my life in order to survive and I am sure the reverse is true. Which is fine. But don't base the quality of a person on their age. It's despicable and just plain rude. That's just how I feel about it.

A Poem

2010-08-16T18:08:00.002-04:00

This poem was written by me to a friend (Kelly) who told me to remind her to bring the Harry Potter audio cds back from her home in Colorado for me to borrow. I decided that a fun reminder would be more enjoyable than one of those boring "Hey, don't forget..." ones. I am very proud of it.

Kelly, Dear Kelly

I'm writing to say

I hope you are having a fabulous day.

And did you know something?

So wonderfully true?

I love Harry Potter. I do! I do!

And what's more, I do love to listen

To the story that J.K. Rowling has written.

Voiced by Jim Dale (his voice makes me swoony-

Just like those boys, Padfoot, Prongs and Moony)

Ron's cute mannerisms make me blush and giggle

and all the adventures make me squirm and wiggle.

So Kelly, Dear Kelly,

I'd love you to bring back

the audio cds that my libraries lack.

And Kelly, Dear Kelly,

If you do this good deed

I'll never forsake you in your time of need.

Love, Caitlin

I LOVE HARRY POTTER! LONG LIVE DUMBLEDORE! (Well...)

Saturday is a Special Day.

2010-08-07T10:20:00.000-04:00

Weekends are fabulous. Sleeping in makes everything seem so much better and that fact alone really just made this past Saturday a marvelous one. But sleeping in alone wasn't the only reason for a FABULOUS Saturday. I'll give you a play by play...so to speak.

I slept in! YAY! You may not think this is a grand thing but getting up at 6:40a.m. every morning (just about) of your summer just isn't all fun and games. By 4 o'clock I'm usually dead tired. Anyway, I slept in until about 10:30. When I woke up, there were waffles to be eaten. It was spendiforous.

I got a hair cut. Halellujah. Seriously, my hair has been asking to be given some shape for some time now and I finally was able to do it. I went with Jackie (the best roommate ever) and Bri! It was really a lot fun. Perhaps I'll put some before and after pics up later.

Ward Closing Social. Three words, the second being the most saddening of all, that kind of put a damper on the actual fest itself but in the end it was really really fun. We had a BBQ, we played volleyball, we played Quidditch and then it turned into quite the water balloon fight.

Swam in the pool for a few hours.

Went out to dinner for a friend's birthday. YAY!

Came home and chilled. What's better that?

It really was a good Saturday.

"I've lost my mind."

2010-08-06T11:34:00.000-04:00

Are You Watching Closely?

2010-08-04T00:21:00.004-04:00

Two movies of significant interest have been on my mind lately.
Very different from one another yet very similar. Why? An Illusion. The movie itself takes the characteristic of the story it tells to mystify and stump the ever invested audience member.

Two Movies.
One is newer and has been the subject of many a debate between me and my friends. Was he dead? In denial? In a dream? What did the top really do? It can't be possible that he ended up with his children, he died or is dreaming. But why can't it be possible? What is so inconceivable about him being in reality.
Was it all a lie? Was it all just a dream?
Two Movies.
The second is older. But not by much. Although the story is much different the pull is the same.
And who was obsessed with the mystery more? And was there really a villain? Was the machine really a scientific masterpiece or a ruse for funding?
Was it the original?Was it the double?
Two Movies.
Are you watching closely?

Grandpa

2010-07-30T16:13:00.002-04:00

I had the opportunity to visit with my grandpa this week.

He told me and my sisters stories.

He took us to the pool.

He took us to lunch.

He made us eat a lot of cake.

He laughed.

He cried.

So did I.

He's a great man and I can't wait to go back and see him.

Hopefully at Christmas time.

I can't believe I didn't really know much about him.

Before now that is.

But I suppose even now, I don't really know him that much.

I just know him better.

I'm so glad that I know families are forever and that

when we lose the people we love, we'll see them again. I know that.

I'm Engaged (Not Really)

2010-07-16T00:28:00.002-04:00

So I got engaged to a wonderful young man this evening. His name is Joey and he is a fabulous man. This was our conversation....which we wrote down. :)

J: Do you love me?
Me: (I circled yes). Can we get married?
J: Please and thank you! Our colors can be teal and gold!
Me: I was thinking olive and lilac.
J: Chartreuse and honeydew?

There were some other words exchanged but they are private and to be shared between Joey and myself only. ;)

Okay but really? It's a joke. I love Joey but sadly he's been snatched up. :( Tonight was all good fun and I'm glad I have friends who'll play along with my flirtatious antics. :)

New Spice- Study Like A Scholar, Scholar

2010-07-15T14:24:00.001-04:00

This Says it All. :)

2010-07-13T13:38:00.001-04:00

Weekends are Happy Things.

2010-07-12T10:19:00.011-04:00

So in the office on Monday mornings, the question that is asked the most is, "How was your weekend, what did you do?Well, here is what I did.

Friday Night:

I was invited to go to the BYU outdoor movie.But I turned it down to have some alone time. Well, I turned down the offer so that I could finish season four of this:

Thanks to Jackie, I've been addicted to this show. (5 YEARS after the series finale.) I must say that season 4 was the best season. Mainly because Marissa wasn't in it! YAY!

Then there was a thunderstorm! I mean, a real thunderstorm in UTAH!
It rarely happens. The cool thing? I've been homesick and the thunderstorms there are so AWESOME.
So, when there was a thunderstorm here, I knew that Heavenly Father was giving me a little piece of home.
On Saturday...
I woke up to a text reading, "Banana Pancakes at my place, be here in 10."Banana pancakes? Heck yes I'm there! My visiting teacher is wonderful. I love her. After pancakes and a little chatty-poo I went home to figure out my budget. But then I get this text. It says, "Hey are you coming to float the Provo River with us?" I responded saying that if I could afford it (ironic that I was working on my budget...) I'd be there in a heartbeat.
The a phone call, "Caitlin, we've got the money. Just come."
I love friends that really show that they want you around. I really do.
Well, we floated down the Provo river.
No.It is not a lazy river ride.
Yes.
My abs hurt.
Yes.
I have bruises!!!!
After the river there was pizza-swimming-movies-games and then BED.

Sunday morning...
Came too soon. WAY TOO SOON. But I love church. So 8:30 came
and I peeled myself out of bed, made sure Jackie (who has been sick) was okay
and then headed to church. My day didn't end until
10:30p.m. I must say, I love Sundays. :)

So that was my weekend. I had a good time.

San Diego.

2010-07-03T19:09:00.007-04:00

So, sometimes I go on vacation.

This time it just so happened to be to San Diego, a place I have never been. :)
After a long day of driving we made a basic plan of attack for the rest of the weekend.

Wednesday consisted of SEA WORLD!

(Somehow all my Sea World pics got erased. Or put into a different folder on my comp...I can't find them.)

Thursday was Beach day!

(This is La Jolla Cove or something like that. We saw seals and cool looking birds but we didn't swim here. We swam at La Jolla beach and Coronado beach.)

Friday was The Zoo!
The San Diego Zoo should have it's own zip code. I think it actually might.

1-I was excited because all of these ^ animals were awake. The tiger is falling asleep but he wasn't quite there yet. Mr. Panther (black) was a show off and Mr. Jaguar (spotted) looked hungry. It was great.
2-The "Big Cat Trail" was my favorite!
3-That zoo is huge and goes up and down...so much walking and I wore sandals. Bad idea.
4-It really bugs me that I can't find a lot of my pics....GRRRR!
5-After the Zoo we went back to La Jolla beach and played for an hour or so.

Saturday we left.
But before we left entirely, we visited Point Loma.

(I can't find these pics either...looks like I'll be searching my computer for them. Hopefully I'll find them so you can see how pretty the light house is.)

A feeling...

2010-07-02T10:26:00.002-04:00

This will be short but I wanted to share it. So, the other day my roommate and I were over in the chapel by our apartment complex. She was playing the piano as I was singing along. It was kind of late, about 9:30p.m. but we'd gone later than that before so neither one of us thought it would be a big deal. As I was singing one of the songs, I started to get nervous and sweaty. I felt like we should leave but I thought I was just being paranoid because of how late it was but I wasn't afraid we would get into any trouble. So I kept singing. But the sweaty, nervous feeling I had just got more intense. I stopped mid-song and told Jackie that I felt like we should leave. She turned around quickly and said "I feel like we should too." We didn't even turn off the lights in the room. We just left through the outside door that is in the room we were in. I can't say why we both felt that way but I can say that I know that it was the Spirit telling us to get out, telling us that something was wrong. I don't know what would've happened had we stayed but it doesn't matter. We were protected and I am so grateful for that.

*My adventures in San Diego will be posted sometime this weekend, I promise!*

Golden Coast

2010-06-22T01:09:00.001-04:00

In about 8 hours I will be in a car on my way to San Diego.

I'm REALLY excited.

I've never been there before!

I'll keep you posted. :)

What In The World Was I Thinking?!

2010-06-17T18:37:00.009-04:00

So I thought I'd take a chance today and do something I've never done before. But, alas...

Rope swings + Me + shallow water + rocks =

Next time...I'll just watch. :)

David Thewlis

2010-06-11T16:21:00.014-04:00

I know, I know, I've already posted something about an actor that I love but honestly now folks, there are a few more I HAVE to introduce you to! For those of you Harry Potter fans you may recognize this man as Professor Lupin from the third installment of the Harry Potter series (movies), Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. David Thewlis has impressed me time and again. Though I would love to cover all his roles, I've chosen just a few that I love in particular.

#1: Cyrus Crabb (Dinotopia)

Yes, I do watch the SciFi channel where this lovely little treasure is usually played. The first time I saw it I thought it was kind of odd..a somewhat Jurassic Park knock-off or something, but then I saw it again for the second time and I really really REALLY liked it. Mr. Thewlis shows that he can be a pivotal character who may or may not be so nice. You should really give it a whirl!

#2: Robert Doniger (Timeline)

Boy oh boy did I love this movie-quite a different feel than Dinotopia-and I promise if you watch it, it may confuse you but you'll enjoy it. (Gerard Butler is also in the movie...and Paul Walker!)

Anywho, to me this proved that David knows how to be a little...well, you should just rent it or something and find out for yourself!

#3: Remus Lupin (Harry Potter)

Though I was nine by the time the third book of the H.P. series was released, I didn't take a genuine interest in them until I was about twelve. Once I started, however, I couldn't stop. I was addicted to the books. One of my favorite characters was Remus Lupin. I felt that he was the first real person to give Harry some peace where Harry's parents were concerned. I felt like he was the uncle that Vernon Dursley never was. He was the first professor of Defense Against the Dark arts that Harry had that wasn't completely...batty. He taught Harry so much that no one else had or probably would have. Despite Lupin's one flaw, being a werewolf, he knows good from evil and loves Harry just as much as he loved James. This role is different from the aforementioned roles and shows that David Thewlis can deliver.

He's a talented actor who isn't afraid to take on roles completely different from one another. Can you blame me for enjoying his talents? Plus, the man can pull off the mustache look!

Alan Rickman

2010-06-04T11:45:00.026-04:00

Can you blame me for absolutely adoring Alan Rickman? He's a talented, BRITISH actor who knows how to deliver. I'm never disappointed when I see him in a movie.

NEVER!

There are three contrasting roles I would like to focus on today.

#1-Alexander Dane (Galaxy Quest) *Mr. Funny Man*
For those of you who have never seen this movie. GO WATCH IT. If you ever had doubt about dear old Al's funny side, they will vanish after you watch this movie. He's incredible and SO FUNNY!

I'll tell you this, if all you know about Alan Rickman is that he plays Severus Snape in the Harry Potter movie series...this role will BLOW YOUR MIND.

#2-Colonel Christopher Brandon (Sense and Sensibility) *Mr. Heart Throb*
Okay, so maybe "heart throb" isn't the best way to describe this role but all I know is that this is the movie that made me fall in LOVE with Alan Rickman. He's gentle, virtuous, dashing and HELLO! He's a man in uniform, does it get any better? I think not.
Anyway, this shows a much more serious but softer side of Alan Rickman (in comparison to Mr. Funny Man ^) Colonel Brandon is one of the only men (if not THE only man) in this story who doesn't shoot himself in the foot. You have Mr. Willoughby *gag* and "the elusive Mr. F" (Mr. Ferrars) and they are kind of idiots (though Mr. 'F' isn't an idiot for long). BUT Colonel Brandon? Nope. He's true through and through to himself. And my heart :) *Sigh*

And now, the role you've all been waiting for. DRUM ROLL PLEASE!!!!

#3-Severus Snape (Harry Potter and the *all of them*) *Mr. Scares the Living Daylights Out Of Anyone He Comes In Contact With*
He really does scare the bejeebers out of me in this movie but HE IS SO GOOD AT IT that I can't resist loving him more. When I saw him as the sallow skinned, greasy haired, pompous, self-righteous, meanie-head Professor Severus Snape my respect for him shot up to infinity (okay so that doesn't make much sense but whatever.)
I suppose I should share with you why this role in particular made me have so much respect for this man. My definition of a good actor is when they can play very different roles well. Alan Rickman did the job justice. You hate his eerie blood chilling smirk and you're supposed to! This role proved to me that Alan Rickman can be the funny man and the valiant heart throb AND the villain. He can take on these roles and blow everyone else out of the water! It takes a good actor to deliver the way he delivers and like I've said he can REALLY deliver.
I think I also love Alan Rickman for his portrayal of Snape because I liked Snape throughout the books. Well, I guess I should say I was a "believer" in Snape, not that I liked him so to speak. Yes, there were times when I really wanted to kick him where it counts for being so cruel. I mean, honestly, what kind of a person can be that cruel to anyone? But I always knew that there was something. Something that would be Snape's redeeming quality. And I was right! (When I discovered that I was right I almost cried! Okay, so I did cry because the reason for his redeeming quality is just so tender... go read the books.)

So there you have it. Three contrasting characters, one phenomenal actor and one extremely dedicated fan (ME!)

Harry Potter

2010-06-03T16:33:00.016-04:00

YES.

I LOVE Harry Potter.
Why?
Um, HELLO!? Are you alive? Have you read the books? SEESH! The intricate story that J.K. Rowling was so clever to weave is PHENOMENAL! The characters, ALL of the characters have depth and personality. Even silly, obnoxious, annoying little Peeves has a history! The Harry Potter Series is filled to the brim with suspense, love, good vs. evil, surprise, heartache, loss, gain, happiness, victory, whit, charm and above all else, MAGIC!

The first time I ever read these books they made me laugh, cry, jump (with excitement or fear) and learn to love through even the darkest of times. As I'm reading/listening to them again the result is still the same. I feel like a little piece of myself, a piece that was lost, has been found. (That's kind of pathetic I suppose but you know what? I don't care!)
If you haven't read the book (they MUST be read before you watch the movies...MUST!) then you are:
a) not from this planet
b) a crazy person
c) someone who thinks they are too good for them-YOU ARE NOT
(Harsh? Sure, but truth hurts!)
or
d) You belong to Slytherin House and hate everything

Seriously, I can't express to you the magic you can FEEL when you read this series. You may not love every sentence of all 7 books but I GUARANTEE that you will enjoy, if not FALL IN LOVE WITH, the story as a whole.

Read it. I promise you won't regret it.
(^Look at those dirty looks they're giving you! GO! GO READ! You'll receive 50 points for your House if you do!)

Delicate

2010-05-31T18:09:00.004-04:00

Yes, sometimes my emotions are frayed and wear thin and sometimes I feel fragile and weak. I think it's something everyone goes through at least once in their life but sometimes I feel like it's lasted too long.
A little while ago I had the amazing opportunity to go to MOAB! YAY! I had a lot of fun just turning off my cell phone and connecting with nature. Hiking, playing in the stream, climbing rocks, sleeping on the ground with rocks poking you in your back....it was great fun! But day 2 of my adventures led to a discovery. We hiked the "Arches" hike. It's so amazing what nature can do. It was gorgeous and I got to see Delicate Arch.

First of all it was SO windy up there that I had a hard time standing. Secondly, that arch is called delicate for a reason. Yet, even though that arch face super strong winds almost everyday, winds that carve away at it and shape it...it still stands and it is beautiful.
It still stands. It's delicate yet it can withstand the fierce winds that beat upon it every day. So if it can handle all of that terrible wind, so can I. I can get through heartache, sorrows, death and misery. My trials may chip away at me but I know that if I can handle them the way that God would have me handle them, I will be shaped and I will be more beautiful because of it.
I am not fragile, I am not weak.
I am delicate and that's fine with me.

Debbie Downers

2010-05-26T19:42:00.002-04:00

You know they exist. You know at least one of them. I am unfortunate enough to know at least TWO. Which is WAY too much if you ask me. No matter what you say or how positive you try to make a situation...BAM they find one phrase, one word or one blasted negative thought to make you feel like the biggest meanest lightning storm shut out the most beautiful, sunshiny day. UHG! I hate them. Not them...just their attitude. But REALLY?!

So, this is my plea to you. The next time you decide to open your mouth because you want to be matter-of-factly or you want to complain about someone you just helped over the phone (clearly forgetting that you work in the CUSTOMER SERVICE business) just stop. Count to ten and think about the Negative Nancy people may peg you as and how you might lose friends. Think about how much of a Johnny Raincloud you're going to morph into.

Nobody likes a Debbie Downer.
Especially me.